Spent my time GALing the sh!t out of my weekend. It included the guy friend I recommended a book to [edited by dbmod: reference not recommended nor allowed]
It's funny. I'm friends with both him and his ex/gf. She says he's shy and awkward. I don't know.. we went to a party this weekend where we didn't know anyone and had a great time.
I wonder if her negative views of him influences him when he is around her. I know in some ways my w's opinion of me definitely affected me.
I also realized that alot of my friends are very similar to me or w.
Was on a bit of a rollercoaster with my feelings. I read that once my dissolution is complete, my w and I could only register as Domestic Partners again if ruled by the supreme court.
I don't have any hope of my w and I reconciling... but there was a finality to that phrase that made me cry hard...
... but I should not cross any bridges until I have to. Plus I can revoke the dissolution papers any time within the 6 months of processing. Not saying I should or will.. but it's nice to have an option. The hard cry also comes from the increase of positive activity between us. Dealing with those feelings as well the weekend.
I guess there is a part of me that is fearful that this will turn into last fall... where my w thought she could just talk to me when she wanted and about what she wanted... but didn't really want to be friends.
And I've never set the boundary of "Don't talk to me unless you wanna really be part of my life".
But it hurt like he!! and was very confusing. It's funny, the more distant I am.. the more curious she is.
The nicer I am.. the more she communicates with me in small ways.
I have no idea what these things mean... but the emotions behind them are pretty insane.
I emailed her about insurance. She immediately answers and offers help. She also then txtd me that she was wrong about the health insurance she recommended the other day.
I didn't respond to her text. I feel bad about that.
The truth is.. that text is a blessing. I don't know why she texted (and trust me.. my brain went there)... but the fact is.. that it is an option for me and it's an option that I only know about because of her.
And it took me awhile to get there. I am still so hurt by her that she can't win even if she tries. It didn't matter if she was manipulating me to get me to get off her insurance or was actually do it because she cared....
... right now.. I cannot accept a positive from her without some serious pain to my heart.
And although I realize that is not fair to her.. I'm not really sure what I can do.. other than run the gambit of feelings and work on it.
That's a big task for me right now.. because I know that the more "Val" like I am, the more she will positively respond to that....
..but that does not mean recon.
.. and that does not mean she wants to be part of my life.
Which hurts... but I need to accept it. An act of kindness is just that. A nice conversation is just that.
And I continue to move forward with my life w/o her.
Last edited by dbmod; 06/07/1203:31 AM.
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
