Zig you are absolutely right! And Grace yes I think it was a bit of that especially because this weekend I spent time with a couple who H and I were friends with we were in the wedding etc. now they have an 18 month old. And although I'm not entirely sure they're happy I did miss my M. But like everyone says that M is gone and it is a mourning. And I do think that when big events happen although I was proud of myself it was strange he wasn't there as he has been for the past 7 years. He knows my struggles and how hard I've worked which is why he sent that message. He didn't have to and to be honest if the situation was reversed I don't know that I would have I may have felt like I was overstepping.
I do need to be still. It is something that come to be. It's helping that I've levelled out in terms of I don't like who he is right now, he hasn't grown. But then again he's not sharing much of his life with me so maybe that's what the friendship we'll do.....we have to get to know each other again.
