Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Also should mention:
Changes I've made (and continue to work on):
--- not asking what he is doing, or getting involved in his day
--- no talking about the relationship
--- not being jealous. I've been putting up that red stop sign in my head and it works VERY well.
--- being 'accommodating' and not telling him what he should or shouldn't do
--- no calls, no emails, no texts (hard hard hard but worth my peace of mind).
--- when I go out with S, I don't even think about H anymore. Before I would think 'Oh H is missing out on xyz'. It doesn't even cross my mind - I'm just thinking about me and S
--- I do NOT talk about my job. at all. Nor money (as he requested as it's a sore subject for him).
--- I smile and laugh more now.
--- I am stopping 'fear' (false expectations appearing real) from taking over (again hard, but important!)
--- I refuse to 'mind read' and have told him this. I get that in the past I have made him shut down, but if we are to continue any relationship, I need him to tell me what he wants, otherwise it stresses me out to try to figure it out, and it wastes both of our time). I've been trying to demonstrate this with not jumping down his throat or immediately responding with a solution when he does talk (like I already thought of the answer while he was talking).
--- H is NO longer my hobby. I know I talk about him here, but that's pretty much it.

These have all taken me some time and some days are harder, but I am a optimistic person and I know that life will work itself out how it should. I just don't need to keep creating barriers.

Some good things this has shown me:
I can live on my own just fine
I don't need to be 'dependent' on anyone
I actually enjoy seeing what kind of person he is and stopped putting him in a box. Ditto for myself. I didn't realize the limitations I put on myself.
I enjoy my time with S.
I actually accomplish what I want (I get what I want) when I put effort into it (speaking more of my goals).

Oh and a GAL: next weekend I'm going to run a 10k race (I haven't ran 6 miles in a few weeks, but I'm sure I'll be fine! Gives me something to do, and a new tshirt)