^^I was thinking similarly - notice her from across the room, give her a little smile and a "how's it going" head nod, see what she does (maybe she'll come over to you?) but stay with your own group.
The worst part about my job is that I have nothing to do and sit in front of a computer all day. Therefore, I have way too much time to think and haven't replaced my W as someone to talk to throughout the day.
I am a programmer. I have a programmer's mind. I need to stop treating my situation like a programmer. When you test a program, you constantly test different scenarios and can make changes to see quick results. This is going to take time. I need to learn patience.
Anyways, this week my W has been texting me more. Maybe what I am doing is working?
In the middle of her texts, I send her a text that says "I wish the daycare didn't close so early. I could really use a beer after today." (One beer, please don't persecute me. I would never drink and drive or put my children in danger)
She replies "I can meet you for a quick one."
Is this backwards or forwards? I promise not to bring up OM, R or "us".
Am I falling back into her thinking she has me when she needs me?
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
You are doing well... I'm definitely going to keep up on your sitch... lots of good inspiration.
Thank you for posting to my thread!
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
The meetup went well today. We had one drink and talked mostly about our Ds.
We did talk about her experience at the country bar last night. Mind reading maybe, but I think she made a point to tell me she was with two of her girlfriends. I never asked who she went with.
I asked if she got on the dance floor. She said of course as she likes to dance. I asked her if she two-stepped. She said "no, I didn't slow dance". She then asked me if I two-stepped with anyone when I went. I told her yes as it is the only dance I know. I told her that I wasn't going to be too scared to get on the dance floor. Total 180 for me as she always had to drag me onto the dance floor.
I told her I had plans to go there next Thursday and she said "maybe I will see you there". I can't remember what I did or said, but she quickly said "I can find somewhere else to go on Thursday". I told her no, I didn't mind if she went on the same day as me.
Had the incredible urge to ask what she was going to do tonight as it is my night with the Ds, but I fought it back hard. I know tonight is a night she always does something with the OM. Mini-victory for me.
We talked about how it is nice to be able to go out (not us going out, but individually). She brought up the fact again she has been a mom since 19 and hasn't had the opportunity to just let it loose. I simply validated the point that it is nice and then added that although our situation isn't ideal, if we do make it, then I think it is important that we set aside time for us away from the Ds. She quickly agreed.
I walked her to her car and gave her a handshake and she said "I feel like a dude". So I gave her a quick hug. She gave me another look, so we hugged again but a little longer and a little tighter. I always joke about a$$ out hugs and she made a point to let me know she wasn't giving me an a$$ out hug.
Two weeks ago, I was going to file for D. Today, I think we are SLOWLY on the rise. I predicted this a month ago before she moved out when the oldest D asked us what was going to happen after she moved. I said our R was going to take a huge dive and then slowly start coming back up. I wish I would have listened to myself instead of freaking out and almost filing D papers.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Lots of momentum this week. I thought Saturday was going to be good shopping for presents for our D2 birthday. WRONG. So very wrong. W was untalkative and cold. Before we left she asked if we were shopping and then I had the Ds this weekend. I told her no, we only alternate Sundays. She has the Ds tonight, I have plans.
Time at the store was bad. She made the comment of "this will be one of my gifts". I immediately asked "Are we doing 'mom' and 'dad' gifts now? I thought we were doing gifts from 'us'." She said ok, then drifted away.
When she was leaving my house, I helped bring the Ds out. W took the long way around the car so she wouldn't have to walk past me.
WTF? I did my GAL that night with some buddies.
Today (Sunday) was D2's birthday, (I guess D3 now). We were having it at the W apartment. The minute I walked in the door, it was the cold shoulder. Whatever, I stayed upbeat and played with my Ds.
At the pool, she never got close to me. Whatever, I stayed upbeat.
Sidenote: 6. Do not ask for help from family members or friends.
Conversation with FIL: FIL: How are things going? Me: Ups and downs. Still the same. FIL: Yeah. She is never going to change. She is too much like her mother.
Thanks. That makes me feel better.
Conversation with SIL: SIL: Wow, you have lost a lot of weight. You look good. Me: Thanks. Had to buy new clothes to fit my body better. SIL: Those shirts are going to make your arms look good. That will help you when you are dating.
Seriously? You think I have no chance making it work with the W?
D3 and D4 wanted to swim so I got in the water with them. W followed me out later. Every time my Ds wanted to go in the water, my W would follow me out a few minutes later. Still not close to me. Kinda b!tchy. I asked her to hand me my sunglasses and she fired out "A please would be nice!". Wow.
After everyone left, we went to her apartment so D3 could open the gifts from us. Her attitude starting to get better....
She suggested we walk to the store and rent a movie to watch. Tuesday I told her no, today I decided to say yes. Had a good conversation on the trip.
Watched the movie, ordered pizza. Somehow her feet and then legs ventured on my area of the couch. Later we shared the blanket. No contact, but closeness.
She walked us out to my car. We shared a long hug and out of instinct I gave her a peck on the neck. She said thank you and then a quick peck on the lips.
WTF? How can a woman go from ice cold for 36 hours to my old best friend in a blink of an eye?
Going to go really dark this week to mix things up. I have no real reason to actually see her this week until Saturday when she picks the Ds up. I am not there when she picks them up Tuesday and Thursday and she takes them to daycare Wednesday and Friday. Only day I might see her is if she heads to where I am doing my GAL with friends on Thursday night.
It is a rollercoaster.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
Hi Lost, I read (and heard from my DB Coach) that it is 'normal' for S to pull back after a burst of affection, kindness, siftenss...however you want to define it. So its good I think that you just rolled with it.
You seem strong and in a good place. It is up and down, but you dont seem to be falling too hard or flying too high. Control.
I admire that and hope to gain strength from your thread.
bustingout
TPS Me: 44 H: 42 M14 T17 S10 D7 10/10 H moves out after death of his father-same month 21/04/12 H is 'DONE' 04/05/12 OW/PA confirmed (rumors from 2010) July '14 H ends affair May '15 H moves back home
When I drive to work in the morning, I can take one of two routes. One of them passes me by OM's house (or his mama's since he is 31 and still lives with his mama.....).
Today I decided to take the route that passes by the OM. His car was there, meaning he didn't stay over at W's apartment last night. When talking with the W lately, she always seems to mention she is going out with her girlfriends. (Mindreading?)
When we talked about movies out that we wanted to see, she told me she won't go to movies with OM because he is the type that doesn't shut up during movies. (I didn't ask, why did she volunteer this info?)
Still planning on being extra dark/dim this week, but I probably need someone to slap me around a bit so I don't initiate any contact with the W. So if anyone out there has some aggression they need to get out, please hit me with it so I don't screw up this week.
Thanks again for all the replies and advice. This situation is tough for me and I appreciate what everyone on this board has to say.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
