Everwhere is walking distance if you have the time

[ClingingToHope]

Well, Antlers I've heard the fake it until you make it line. I'm no good at that so I do my best to avoid her. At times, I still feel like I'm playing poker. And right now I feel like I'm holding a pair of 6's. Better than no pair but not enough to play the hand with confidence.

I totally agree with you on finding my own happiness. I know that, it still doesn't keep the pangs away.

I'm just reprocessing all of the pain because now there's someone else in my daughters lives.

D9 called me Saturday to ask to go to church Sunday, tell me a funny story about a fox in their back yard and how she had a great day at the BF's sister's farm and she even got to ride on a motorcycle.

That hurts. It will always hurt.

Wii, counseling is set for Wednesday and I've got a lot to go over. I'm just tired right now and lonely. There have been no solid prospects for me since letting DHU-41 go in January. That, I think is the biggest thing. I'm frustrated and I'm jealous.

I was out Friday night with a friend. He's an interesting guy. We talk a lot because he was an LBS. He couldn't take living in the same small town as his XW so he moved 30 minutes away. Being that far and with not as generous visitation rights as I have, his 13-year-old daughter has really drifted away.

So we have lots to talk about. Anyway, he had a live in girlfriend. She broke up with him about 16 months ago. Then he dated a really nice lady that I was kind of interested in. He moved more quickly. That lasted five months or so and she broke up with him. He works at a hospital system with more than 3,000 employees. He found a divorced muslim doctor and dated her for three months. She broke up with him last week. Out of the blue, a 20-something (he's 48) from the hospital system IT department emailed him.

So she came out with him Friday night. She's smart and pretty and they were all over each other.

And I was jealous. Extremely jealous.

Saturday was kind of a bomb. I did some yard work. Seal coated my uncle's driveway, got my hair cut, did church (didn't know D9 was going to call about Sunday) and then only went out briefly because my usual people were too tired.

It was just one of those weekends where I feel like I'm "losing" the divorce.