So I know that I said above that I wouldn't respond to my wife's comment about our son not wanting her at home, but a funny thing happened right before I went to bed. I pray each night before I go to bed, give or take a few stressful school/work deadlines. So there I was praying for strength and courage ( the usual as of late ) and had a "good" feeling kind of wash over me. Not to be too religious or anything ( sorry ). I opted to reply to my W's text about our son not wanting her to come home, so I did:
"I don't know what's going on and I'm not pressing anyone for information. Just please be safe."
Her reply:
"I'm staying in my car. Tell S I love him."
Hmmm.... No. He needs to hear it 'from' her, not 'through' me.
This day was a bit rough I guess. My S opened up to me about what went down last night. His friend opened up about how his mother blames my W for their marriage splitting as well as the presence of a PA while I was out of town with the kids.
So.....
My son asked my W about this ( which is not news to me ) and she cursed at him and yelled and then took off. I'm none too happy about this, but it sounds worse than he explained it. He's really upset understandably.
Well, my W sent a text today to let me know she wanted our youngest son for the day and to meet up with her so I can drop him off. This further upset our oldest son, especially since she would not return his texting her. A few hours later I got a text asking for both boys and some time for her to talk to me.
She took both boys and dropped them off at a friends house and my W and I met at a park and talked. I don't remember everything (ADD), but I'm pretty happy with how I handled it. She informed me she and the boys were moving out the middle of this month.
I did see this coming and it didn't hurt as much as I had thought it would. I did a lot of listening and not too much talking. I told her that I know that she'll be fine because of her strength, determination and resourcefulness and that those are all qualities in her I've always been attracted to her for so I will not try to stop her from doing what she needs to do.
She said she knew S1 would take it the hardest and would blame her and that she expects he'll want to stay with me for a while.
Forget the details, let me focus on what I singled out......
1) She brought up her deteriorating health ( anxiety & newly developed ulcer ). I asked about what made her anxious and she said she can't stand feeling dependent on me.
This would explain why she's only asking me for $300 a month for assistance. She is determined to make it on her own and I know she'll be fine.
2) For the first time in over a year, she never mentioned "divorce" even though she's going to move out. Not one part of the conversation we had spoke of litigation only mutual cooperation.
3) We talked of what she would take with her and unfortunately for me, not enough, but she respected my informing her that I would be changing the code on the garage door opener after she takes what she's going to take. I told her I didn't want the kids to get confused and that it would define the fact that they had 2 seperete homes and not so much come and go as we like.
Last thing I said to her as we went to our seperate cars was to compliment her on her toe nails. The design on them does look very nicely done. If I'm not bitter, no point in me walking away sad. I have nothing to apologize for, that I'm aware of.
About 2 hours after we talked in the park she sent me a text:
"Thank you for talking to me."
Me: "Anytime"
So she's out in 2 weeks. I'll give it 1 month more and then I'll finally look to get started on redoing the master bathroom for starters. If I can get excited, I hope the kids can feed off of that so we can work on healing together.
Oh, and a funny side note for those that know the song.....
S1 had changed the radio station in my car before i dropped him off. I neglected to change it back to my station. As soon as my car started when my W and I parted, the Nelly song "Only Just A Dream" had just started playing. It brought a smile to my face because sometimes I don't believe in coincidences.
There's a time and a place, and my time has yet to come.
