Needing some guidance... 3

[jks]

H came to pick up the kids today. I was dressed super cute (in a dress) and did my hair a different way. I felt him noticing but who knows...

Our exchange was good. I was happy. When I feel beautiful, I know I exude that from myself. We had small talk and I waited outside for the kids to get in the car and then gave them their kisses and hugs. I shut the door to the car and H was waiting behind me and said, "can I have a hug?"

I said, sure. It seemed like he held on longer than usual. And then when I pulled away he looked like his eyes were watery. I started to walk away and then said, "are you crying?"

He said no, then put his sunglasses on. I have no idea about any of that. It was just weird.

He seemed really happy to see me and I love being around him and our kids and feeling like a family again. Only if it is for a couple minutes. I know the space helps him.

Oh, and I've started to read a book called "The Enabler." I cannot believe how much this story reflects me and my husband and, this may sound weird, but his mom also. Enabling never makes anyone learn and grow for themselves and I'm coming to realize that my H almost paralyzed me in helping me so much.

I am so grateful everyday that he made the choice for us to take a break so that I've had this opportunity to grow. He's forced me to do things I would not normally do if he was still around. I am getting to independence but I know I'm not quite there yet.

I'd love to get a place of my own. Really, I would. Hopefully talking to this 3rd L tomorrow can give me some new insight. Who knows...