wife just called and invited me to dinner to hand off the kids... is this good or bad..? how do I handle it, other than being loose and not asking/talking to her about her/us...? I've found that cleaning up the huge mess she made after moving out has helped... been looking for new pictures to hang on the walls, reorganizing and cleaning out all the stuff she left behind... this has helped me to accept that she's gone and may likely not come back... tonight will be my first night alone though... we'll see how that goes...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
would taking off my wedding ring now send the message that I've accepted things or do I leave it on because I believe that we can make this work WHEN she's willing... not sure which way to go here... thoughts..?
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
Because no matter what you do, she will decide what her own meaning would be. You might think she will look at it as you moving on... then again, she might see it as some ploy to manipulate her.
Again... do only what you want to that feels right, only for you.
I used to have a very nasty temper... but I've worked very hard on not losing it anymore... I very rarely give orders at the fire station, I'm a lead by example type.. it doesn't have to be MY way, in fact I'm often very non confrontational, so I tend to say nothing when I disagree...
Did the temper involve hitting or throwing things? Were you drinking?
How often do you still lose it? I noticed a comment earlier about you having to "clean up the mess she made moving out."
I bring these things up because that's probably why she left. You've been together for 14 years and you've treated her one way for the majority of the time. Now you've suddenly changed and you want her to believe that things will be different.
That won't happen overnight, your changes must be for you, they must be for real and they must be consistent over a long period of time.
She has probably seen the changes but is afraid to believe them. She feels safer away from you.
Many of us are in the same boat.
Keep working on yourself, this could be years of work. Are you up for that?
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
I have never hit her no... I usually get very mad and cuss a lot... I hit a wall one time way back when first married, but have not done anything like that since.. again, I worked very hard on controlling temper so that it wouldn't be transferred to sons... the changes I made were for me and I recognized that they were needed... and again, by W own admission, I have changed for the better... she feels that SHE can't give me what I deserve... I don't lose it very often anymore... and I am having to clean up after the mess made of her moving out... but I'm not angry in the least... just trying to find the time to do it... I didn't "suddenly" change... this has been going on for a number of years of my working on myself, making myself a better person... she just expected her feelings for me to change as I made those changes and she says her feelings didn't change... so, she's done trying... "closing this chapter and moving to the next".
YES I have NO quit in me... I will NOT give up... I will go as long as I need to... I will not give up on us, because I know that we were happy once and that we can find that again...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
btw... dinner went fine... decided to leave wedding ring on... I'm still married, so not taking it off... kids monopolized the conversation, which was fine... I played it cool, smiled, kept conversation about the boys... helped load them up and said my goodbyes... this is my first night alone with them at her new apartment... and I have to say, it stinks... I worked off and on between playing with the boys on straightening up the house and getting it to look less like a bomb went off... found some old pictures to hang on the walls where she took pictures with her and even managed to grocery shop as a single person for the first time in a very long time... I continue to be amazed at the things that she left behind as well as the things she thought to take... weird... I'm doing my best to change those things that I'm able to, and accept those that I cannot...
again, I won't give up... I'll keep fighting the good fight... and I will continue to pray and believe that in time God will show me his plan for W and I...
M:40 W:31 S:8 S:5 D:8(prev. relationship) Bomb dropped: 5/10/12 It's not you it's me MO: 6/1/12 T:14 M:9
YES I have NO quit in me... I will NOT give up... I will go as long as I need to... I will not give up on us, because I know that we were happy once and that we can find that again...
this is good. keep this in mind no matter what she says or does.
