this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

i'm having a shaky moment here - and working hard to get past it. this is where the challenge comes in for me.

just found out (and i had assumed otherwise) that ow has possibly been here since last weekend. i thought she was coming in for this weekend since he asked that s stay this weekend, but found out from our mutual friend that she saw ow last weekend.

i think i'm stunned - that he managed to hide it so well for so many days. he's seen us several times - taken s for a few hrs here and there. now i understand why he balked at going to play frisbee last weekend - i thought it was because i pressured him -it was because she was here

oh well - i called my sweet friend and had a good cry, and talked myself down from it to a better place.

i keep feeling really strongly that he can't give her up until he sees something here with us that convinces him that it's worth another path for him. and so i'm still standing, remembering the recipe and telling myself, that heck, if she lived in town, he'd be with her everyday.

i'm also trying to see the positive actions from h - i have the gift from him that he is not involving s in his relationship with ow - and i respect him so much for not doing that. i am seeing that as a gift in this situation - that he is respecting both s and me so much that he's keeping it separate.

but gosh, i need a hug!!

KD - i'll respond to your post later - thank you.

i need to get on track here and continue my day as planned - to focus on s and finish our project no matter what else is going on.

i need to stop letting h's actions make me fall apart so that the rest of my day is f'd. i will not let what he is doing control my emotions to that degree. they have until now, but no more.

i'm determined to just finish my cry, and get on with stuff - and really enjoy it. i had a moment of reaction to what happened and now i will be over it.

zig