11th Hour of Divorce & Trial: What Else Can I Do?

[Yasu]

Hmmm. Hard times. My mom had perhaps the final accident - another fall in the house result in six hip and leg fractures and arm fracture. No one has wanted me there - my alchoholic brother has been in charge.

It looks pretty dire this time. I have just learned her house taxes and secondary insurance have been unpaid for some time. Brother's story keeps changing. 92 year old mom now hiding food in her mouth - slowly going downhill in nursing home.

I don't know if I should rescue brother or not - however, for the second time, I have called upon social services. First time, for caregiver neglect, now, regarding her estate, to get to the bottom of it.

To relate this to the divorce - I reached out to H for advice. Of course no response to my calls.

We were to have a trial on May 21. All my paperwork was in on time March 1. Can u believe he made excuse after excuse not to have his papers and financials on our business into us - even though it was his side that set the trial date! In December it will be four years trying to get a divorce. The cost insane. He seems to want a divorce - he certainly has access to a competent account and CPA that regularly work for the restauant - as papers, p & l's, etc., are to be in on a monthly basis with the franchise - this is a requirement that is followed.

However - we cannot seem to get him to hand over tax records for last two years, budget sheets, etc. So we can proceed with trial. Interesting.

It is not a good idea for us to put him in jail with contempt as that keeps him from running the business. At the same time - the judge wants us to work these things out - and my attorney wants us to always appear cooperative.

So, we requested a continuance, and judge ordered attorneys to agree on a date (again).

Meanwhile, why, why or why, do I see him observing me when I am out? It is not often I go anymore due to this. It was not long ago he pulled in the driveway here too one morning.

He wants nothing to do with me in all other respects from what I can decern. I have been excellent at staying away from him. I have not driven past our restaurant in over two years. My only issue is his cell phone number, when a problem or issue arises.

I would NEVER call the restaurant. No way. It is the cell phone number that is a temptation to me. Almost like it is a little door that remains open. I once sent him the money (2 years worth) to block my number, so as to prevent me from reaching out in these weak moments. He kept my money and never did it.

I even blocked my number - but it is too easy for me to unblock - and that "little door" - I keep imaging - is speaking to me. How dumb can I be after 3.5 years?!?!?!

After the way of life I've developed, I could never go back to being a normal wife again - that is for sure! I am a true artist at heart - and live like one now. No more nice nice homemade cookies around here anymore. That ain't ever gonna happen again. I'm a totally different person - more like myself than in thirty years. It would be difficult for anyone to live with my projects laying around, and my strange schedules and habits. If he saw how I had the place decorated - he would have a coronary.

I have not laid eyes on him, really, other than spotting him in my neighborhood, in a year and a half, last we were in court Jan. 2011. I haven't sat at a table, or met him - eye to eye since Feb. 2010.

I would say the messages I have left on his cell phone have contributed to that. I want him to have my number blocked as a demonstration that he really wants nothing to do with me. It is not a big deal - his contacts can be re-routed to the restaurant. This is all I ask - that is, if he must make the divorce so darn protracted. I know, I'm asking alot. Or, am I really just asking for him to cut this last connection?

I do wish I could exercise better self control. That would change everything. And actually, my self control has improved drastically. I have to admit, when something like the posibilty of losing my mom, or my brother perhaps having an issue with the estate - this is the sort of thing that gets me weak. H really knows this family dynamic - it's times like this I so miss him.

Hope all you DBer's are well! Yas