I am glad you got value out of my post. You are doing well, zig. No matter what happens with the M, you will have a great future for yourself.
Originally Posted By: zig
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
so he might think of an idea and put it out there, but expect that you will take charge / control and do it... or if not, then he would do it and would be chastised for the WAY he did it... not up to your expectations... he doesn't trust that you actually will entrust him to something...
right on the mark again - is this universal - or only me?
I would say this is pretty universal.
People have a tendency to do things that serve them.
So when you take charge, he doesn't have to. And yes, I completely understand how you get excited about something and just run with it. I'm like that, too.
Unfortunately, sometimes that is seen by others as controlling. And in some ways, it is. It's very passive, but what happens is we take on ownership of someone else' idea.
Figure out a way to trigger yourself around this and learn to only become involved IF asked. And ONLY DO what is asked of you.
Perhaps it would help to think about it from your perspective.
When you get an idea that excites you, you run with it and tell others about it. How would you feel if someone suddenly stepped in and got it all done for you?
Sure, you might feel happy that it is done, but we often get our greatest pleasure from the journey.
You can not support someone in their own greatness if you do things for them.
Your H will do something if it serves him. Let him learn the difference between saying something just to say it vs. doing something to serve his own needs or desires vs. saying something as a way to have someone rescue him.
ie.
H - "That drip in the bathroom sink is annoying."
Z - "I'll call the plumber and get it fixed."
versus
H - "That drip in the bathroom sink is annoying."
Z - "I understand how you could feel that way."
If it's really annoying for your H, he will solve the problem because it serves him. Otherwise, he might lean on his old patterns of getting someone to rescue him, even if he doesn't outright ask.
He'll have choices on his thought. Either talk about it just because he does that or take charge and fix the problem, either by doing it himself, making a call to a plumber, or asking and entrusting you to get it done.
Just be careful not to own the problem. As soon as you own the problem, you've taken on his meaning as your own and you will then get into expectation mode and then become upset when he DOES NOT do something about it.
