"I feel she is doing this because she is confused about what she wants and what it takes to make a marriage work."
That's not being compassionate. You have to think OUTSIDE the M. There's something else that's bugging her. Either way you can't "fight" it. That's why you stay stuck.
When you "fight" you are combative. You get defensive. You can't "see" why she's doing what she's doing because to you it's crystal clear.
That's all mind-reading. You can't possibly know or presume to know what she's thinking and feeling.
The sooner you give up that notion, the clearer your eyes will be as to what you plan of action will be.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
No, I do get why she feels that this is the only answer. I really do. She flat out doesn't want to be married. She doesn't like the fact that, in a marriage, there are two people, not just one. She doesn't want the responsibilities of marriage, words out of her mouth!
Brit, I was happy before I met my wife, but I had always been missing something. I am still the same person w/o my wife, but I am better and more complete. I know i don't NEED to be married, but I want that. I don't want to grow old by myself!
I honestly feel that the only way our M would work, if she was willing, is if she made the rules.
Got a very interesting text from W this morning. On my way to see SD, my W wants me to stop to sign paper at her credit union so she can refinance house. My name has never been on the deed, but she wants me to sign something. Does anybody know why I would have to sign something?
Don't sign anything until you know what you are signing and why. You need advice from someone, other than W, about what the repercussions of you signing might be.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
That is basically what I sent her back... that I wasn't being difficult or trying to make her mad, but I wanted to know what it was about before I signed anything. She is saying that it is some kind of waiver that she is trying to refi to get a lower rate. I know why she is doing this... We had bought a faily expensive vehicle right before all this was happening. With the mortgage, the house expenses, and new vehicle payment, I don't think she can afford all this w/o trying to refi house to knock a few hundred bucks off the monthly payment.
I feel like I am in a hard place because she is trying to make things easier for herself... But this was her choice. I, in no way, wanted any of this. Am I being difficult by not wanting to sign anything to, in her words, "hold up or delay this for her".?
I feel that if I don't sign papers and attempt to get L involved to know what my rights are, W will think I am being controlling and delaying the whole process out of spite. But I feel that if I just go ahead with this, I am showing everybody I am giving up and turning my back on my M and providing for my W and family.
