this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

for sure verab - i love to travel - and can definitely envision me and s taking off there for a summer. who knows where i'll land up.

it's really strange how things happen. and now when i am "relaxing into the situation" not so overcome and needy - i'm starting to see and hear things that are really helping me change my perspective - towards myself, the relationship, h, life.

this conversation was not isolated - something odd happened the week before. i was all emotional talking to my best friends h, and he told me that my h and he had had a conversation months ago, where my h had told him that if zig ever moved to some other place - he would drop his job and life and move there too in order to be close to s.

i was absolutely stunned!! really stunned. and that's when i realized how warped and defensive i am towards h. all these years, i felt a bit stuck here with him - slightly trapped - that it was somehow my duty in some way to stay here for h, his family. i didn't have the self-confidence to understand that there could be other options.

and then suddenly this info - it changed so much how i see h now - that he really does consider that i might want things differently. i was so sure that if i tried to move ,i would be fighting him tooth and nail over s - to the point where i didn't dare even think about it.

then this invitation - and i think that's when i realized that if i feel the freedom within myself - then it doesn't matter where i am. when that "threat" of possibly fighting over s and where he would live, was removed, i didn't feel so trapped here.

just goes to show how 1) we can really assume stuff, and how little i know h because of how much i may have been projecting my own stuff on him and 2} how little i knew myself and how unconfident i was

and all of this during the first stages of really detaching and letting go.

interesting how these things go together, huh?

hope you're well today

zig