played frisbee today with s and his friends and their parents. just swung by their house and s ran up to the door and asked if they wanted to join us - their parents came out too and we had a blast.
they invited us back in and the 3 of us hung out while the kids played. it was great fun. we landed up talking about h and my separation - and talked about staying still during this time. she told me about her friend who'd had an affair, then the spouse walked away and she got pissed and filed for D and he got married pretty soon after that. she said to me that it was wise to stand still. we talked a bit about it being mlc..
i wasn't really sure if i should have talked to them about it. i did say how i was using this time to take care of myself and improve myself, and how i saw my role in the relationship. and how i hoped that one day h would realize that it may be worth it to really give it a shot before ending it completely. so it was sort of a weird conversation, but none of us were uncomfortable in it
friday night s and i went for an impromptu potluck over to another of his friends houses. that was a really sweet evening and we had a lot of fun. his mom's friend was freaking (good) when we got there - she and i are becoming friends just lately - she had just got off the phone with her h who was in france buying a house for them - and she turned to me at one point and said - you and s can come with us. there is plenty of room, it's a 9 room schoolhouse!
i thought she was joking - but she was serious. i thought to myself, wow - this person that i really really like, she likes me enough to invite me there with them. and suddenly the whole world opened up for me in a different way. that i COULD go there if i chose. that there WERE other people that appreciated and wanted to be with me. and most of all - that i could determine my own life and where i went and what i chose to do.
the lesson i got from it though was slightly different. as i daydreamed about it, i realized that i didn't need to go all the way to france - that i could create my own france right here, right now - that it was how i felt and what i did, exactly where i am that i could change - not changing the place and the people. and that "the idea of france" would come to me when i was ready for it.
so bloom where i'm planted. a friend said that to me years ago - and i never got it. it's taken this incredibly painful, incredibly amazing situation to show me what that really means, and what i have to do to effect that.
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
