First, about being frustrated and being sure your H must see the "problem" and fix it. My dad was complaining about a burn pile on the yard and being upset that I didn't clean it up. His frustration was that I knew there was a problem and didn't do anything about it. Funny thing, that. I am not around the burn pile so never knew there was a problem.
Just because WE see a problem, doesn't mean others see it. Or... it doesn't mean that they see it AS a problem.
Second, you mention about trusting your H. What is interesting about this is it appears that many people put more weight on trusting their spouse than is warranted or than they would place on people other than their spouses.
People who have trust issues simply do not put trust in others. At least not to a great extent. Yet somehow, when they say their vows, they place unwarranted trust on their spouse. So the untrusting spouse places trust that would require their spouse to be and do exactly as the untrusting spouse would. Something that is impossible, even if the instructions were crystal clear and there was no mind reading required by the spouse who was being "trusted".
Trust is a condition of having expectations of the results.
We can trust everyone when we get rid of our expectations.
Said another way, certainly ask your spouse or friend to weed your garden. And then trust them to weed the garden. Just not to weed the garden exactly as you would. Rather, trust them to weed the garden exactly as THEY would. And also trust them to possibly NOT weed the garden, even if they said they would, for reasons that only make sense to them.
Trust... without expectations of results... so maybe change the word... to entrust... hand it over... and let it go... trust that what ever the results... were exactly as they were meant to be...
and talking about expectations segues into believing none of what he says...
but not really don't believe... rather, what he says are simply words that are coming out of his mouth... not actions... so as those words come out, you are attaching meaning to them and then setting yourself up to have expectations around them...
it could be that your H is depressed, so just because he says something, doesn't mean that he will do the actions that are suggested in his words... depression is like that...
then again...
this is someone whom you didn't trust... and he likely knows that... and further, he knows you took charge with family stuff... you controlled the family stuff...
so he might think of an idea and put it out there, but expect that you will take charge / control and do it... or if not, then he would do it and would be chastised for the WAY he did it... not up to your expectations... he doesn't trust that you actually will entrust him to something...
those possible reasons above don't matter...
what matters is getting rid of the expectations around what he says...
listening is like that...
let him talk... listen... and let it go...
if it had something to do with you with a request... then listening means confirming that a request was made... and then confirming the request... and then... acting on the request...
otherwise, they are just words... listen... be engaged in paying attention to him... and then let it go... he is probably not asking for feedback or suggestions... so don't offer unless he specifically asks...
