Went to IC today; H went on Wednesday. H hasn't talked at all to me about his IC. The therapist did mention today that H continues to press on that D is his goal. She also commented she feels he is struggling quite a bit...he vacillates between saying he doesn't love me, then in the next sentence he talks about how much he loves me.
In my session today, I talked a lot about the resentments I've carried with me over the years. Also discussed the way I don't voice my anger and have always had a problem with this. The MC noted that I present very much "in control" of myself and that perhaps that's a frustration for H. She suggested that maybe he's wanting me to express something, anything about our R. I told her I'm making a concerted effort *not* to press H about the R right now...that I feel he's unreceptive and that when he brings up the R, he pretty much does so in reference to "when we get divorced" or, "once we are divorced". The other day H told me he cries a lot and feels pretty miserable. I asked him what he thought that was telling him (in other words, if this separation is affecting him like that, maybe its a sign that its not the right thing?). His response was, "I don't want to get into that right now".
He's increasingly distant too. The last couple times he was here, I hugged and kissed him before he left, but there's not really any reciprocity. He doesn't push or turn away, but he's kind of just tolerating my affection...or so it seems to me. I feel pretty rejected.
On the upside, I'm enjoying the GAL activities. I feel I'm making progress in those areas at least.
The MC suggested H and I each have another IC and then in two weeks, have another couple's session.
So, I will continue to be patient and take care of myself.
M-40 H-39 M- 12 years T- 20 years Separation: 5-8-12; H says he wants to pursue divorce
