One step closer to the edge and I'm about to break

[Fightfire00]

Labug...I TOTALLY appreciate my wife's side... what I don't appreciate is that she internalized and "faked" it for years while never letting me know we were in trouble... I know in my HEART that this can be fixed but at this point, she refuses to talk to me about us... she is very friendly, talks about the kids, laughs and jokes, but no talk about us... that's what's driving me crazy and now she has moved out and is spending thousands of dollars obtained from her parents on setting up a new home without me in it...

yes, I let her know that I was lonely and that I needed to have attention, but she was never interested and I never pushed because I knew she needed time to heal... we never out and out tried to work on them no... she internalizes and won't communicate when she is hurting, and I was blind to her pain... I see now that we never dealt with that pain and it's been gnawing at her for years... how do we fix it now that she doesn't want to be in this relationship/marriage..?

no, I have not read those books, but I will look for them thanks for the suggestions...

had a very good call with my kids last night and although I knew that they moved, I didn't ask her about that at all.. in fact by the end of the phone conversation, she was asking me about MY day and wanting details of what I was doing today... I answered each question in good spirits, but never asked her about HER... hope I'm doing this right...

as far as other complaints, none that I know of... she has told me that this has nothing to do with ME.. that it's her... she asked me to make changes personally, and she was hoping that those changes would change how she felt about me... they didn't... the night she told me she wanted to separate, she told me she thinks I'm amazing man, dad and husband... but I deserve to be with someone who can treat me the way I should be treated... and that wasn't her... so, therefor, she was leaving and I could find someone new... I don't want anyone new..

I know that I need to change how we interact... I know I need to change how we maintained our relationship... I know that I need to react differently when she isn't in the mood to have sex (no heavy sighs/being irritable the next day)

I'm praying every day... talking to God more now than I ever have... I'm listening to Contemporary Christian music instead of the HARD rock and Metal I used to listen to... I'm shaving every day instead of just shaving when I go to the fire station every third day... I volunteered to help out with Vacation Bible School for the first time ever... other than that I don't know what else to change, because she won't give me anything to focus on...

I'm GAL by focusing on my kids... I also started a Pipe and Drum band for the fire department 4 years ago, so I'm putting more time into that... spent all day at an event today honoring the state's fire fighters... and now I have a half empty house to clean/maintain/organize... so that will take time...

the problem is, I have no idea if this will work, because my wife has given me very little to work with... I hope and pray every day that God will soften her heart..

I know this is a slow process and I won't give up... I'll keep fighting/praying/believing that this can be fixed... she just needs time to sort things out... just hope it happens...

thank you for your encouragement.. means a lot...