Thank you t, I appreciate you saying that. I figure laughing is better than being a crying mess in the fetal position on the floor.... . Really the real me is a happy person who loves to laugh... Somewhere I had lost that. I've been doing a lot of thinking with all of this extra time.... A few months ago I couldn't understand how some people were saying going through this has been the worst and best thing to happen to them, now I see myself in that statement. I look back to when this happened and can't believe I didn't see the depression I had already been in, and the anger I had at God about the fertility issues (never a good decision to turn ur back on God, he may give u a big horrible world altering kick in the pants!). Maybe this was the wake up call I needed to save myself.... Who knows how bad my depression could have gotten before I got help, if I ever even realized I needed help. Lately I have been feeling like the old me, and in some ways even better. My self esteem was never all that great, I've found it much improved (of course losing 40 pounds helped!). I'm back to being able to find the joy in the little things and truly enjoying the people around me again. I'm enjoying activites I plan, even though sometimes the saddeness creeps in that I am not able to share them with H.
I've accepted the fact that he's crazy right now and nothing I do or say will mean anything So I'm just going to continue to be the caring, fun, silly, empathic person I am meant to be and let God deal with the rest. ( Gods probably thinking finally!!! Took her long enough!)
That being said I know I will still have my cryigng days, my vent on here days, and my days of wanting to take him and shake him, but through that I always know there are going to be brighter days ahead.
Well, in case anyone could use a good laugh.... here's something funny that happened with H last night...
I have been shutting both doors (one opens to the hallway, the other to the bathroom) to "my" room the last couple of nights, don't know why, just don't feel like dealing with him I guess. So last night was no different, I was home before him and was already in "my" room getting ready to go out, doors shut, no problem right? Well here's where funny starts..... I went into the bathroom and after I dry off my hands and head back to the bedroom I hear H calling my name in a confused tone. He comes and knocks on the door. I open it and he has this part confused part terrified look on his face as he says, "I didn't know you were here. I heard the toilet flush and didn't know who was in the house with me!" I just started laughing, I did say I was sorry for scaring him as I continued to laugh. At this point we were both walking out to the kitchen and he went on to say he had seen my car and just figured I wasn't there because it was so quiet. As we continued to laugh my friend pulled up, and wouldn't you know it, he had opened the same curtain, just enough to see who was pulling up again..... funny. As I was leaving I said, I'm leaving now, if you hear the toilet flush again it's not me. We both laughed. As I headed out the door I heard him say have a good evening, I didn't respond because I was already out the door.
I also thought it was interesting he had turned on the porch light for me, I've been out at night many many times and have forgotten to turn the porch light on before I leave, not once had he turned it on for me until last night.
I haven't seen him since last night, and won't see him until at least tomorrow because he told me he won't be home tonight. It will be refreshing not to have to think about his many moods and which one that may turn up. lol
Hope you all got a laugh out of me inadvertently scaring H!
Poor baby! Must have thought the boogie man was flushing the toilet. LOL! I had a good chuckle over your posting. I'm glad you both could laugh about it and hope your evening was a pleasant one.
The interactions that you are having w/your h are cordial and/or civil and that's far better than having him acting like a wild child w/a temper tantrum.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Ok.... so I'm not sure what to think of this..... this morning I started pulling a bunch of stuff out of the downstairs closet, figured good time to get rid of some of my old stuff... while he's not around, so I thought nothing of letting it sit out....I have been gone all day, just got home about 10 minutes ago and low and behold H is home......
I came upstairs and he is doing his usual watching some X-files on Netflix..... I said I didn't think you were going to be home tonight.... He said, we got done early so I thought I would come home and save the money on the hotel. I can leave if you have plans and want me to. I said no, I just feel bad because I have a bunch of stuff laying everywhere downstairs..... He said it didn't bother him..... So I went back to change my clothes, he comes back with a bag of chicken and asks if I would like any. I said sure I will take one, he said just one? I said yeah, I'm pretty full of sugar right now. (I was at my friend's 5 year old's birthday party, I didn't tell him that, he didn't ask). He also told me he pulled some weeds around the driveway "because it was getting hard to drive around them". I said yeah some of them take on a life of their own and thanked him for weeding.
So I'm really not sure what the heck is going on...... and why he would all of a sudden want to save money........ any thoughts on this strangeness??
hrm, There is no rhyme or reason to what the mlcer will do. They all have their quirky ways of doing things. Your h appears to be having some moments of clarity right now...don't know if it is because he's not being pressured about the relationship and/or work, but he's doing his own thing, so to speak.
Continue the way you have been handling things...be thankful he's been cordial and somewhat pleasant. Grab a bag of popcorn and join the rest of the us along the street to watch the circus go zooming by.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Grab a bag of popcorn and join the rest of the us along the street to watch the circus go zooming by.
Love this!
It really is a show. I never know what to expect, except that I know I'll be surprised!
M36 XH34 M-5 T7 4/11 H confused 5/11 ILYB 6/11 OW discovered 7/11 I move out, OW over 5/12-OW2,done->new EA, but H wont file 9/12 H "best bf ever" to EA/OW3 3/13 H/OW break up H files 4/13 D 6/18/13
Your H may be peering out of the tunnel. I hope he comes all the way out, but one can't count on that. As Snodderly says in a more interesting way, watch and wait. It is quite funny sometimes, isn't it.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Well cue the circus music. When I was paying the phone bill I noticed he's decided to start texting the work whore again (any one who decides to mess with a married man is a whore, sorry, I don't make the rules). I think he's still having a fantasy relationship and/or EA with her, which she may not realize, which I only say because I have met her, a week before bomb drop, where I learned she has been scarred by her dad cheating on her mom for quite awhile and they didn't know about it, so she really (allegedly) doesn't like that behavior..... or maybe the apple doesn't fall far from the tree..... better get some popcorn and pull up my chair.....
Some days I would love to call everyone and be like what the hell is wrong with you?? are you so freaking blind you can't see he's totally lost his mind?!?! I know he's a good liar/actor, but really come on, get a freaking clue people. No, no need to worry I would never actually do that.
As for me, I will continue to shut both my doors, need to keep the separation from the crazy, it's too overwhelming, need my space so I don't lose my mind too..... It's all just a bit much right now with getting rid of a bunch of stuff I had kept for when we started our own family..... no need to keep all of that stuff since I don't know what is going to happen, but as for right now it's not looking so hot for the way I would like it to go.
....oh and I'm not sure how not staying in that hotel and driving back up there today was saving money.... especially when he took almost $300 out of the bank.... yeah, I looked, I can, technically it's my money too..... not that I see any of it..... I just wonder where all of this money keeps going....... Must be nice just to spend and spend and spend and not think anything of it, meanwhile I am just trying to pay the freaking bills..... grr..... Ok, I'm done whining. It's off to the gym I go!
. Really the real me is a happy person who loves to laugh... Somewhere I had lost that. I've been doing a lot of thinking with all of this extra time.... A few months ago I couldn't understand how some people were saying going through this has been the worst and best thing to happen to them, now I see myself in that statement. I look back to when this happened and can't believe I didn't see the depression I had already been in, and the anger I had at God about the fertility issues (never a good decision to turn ur back on God, he may give u a big horrible world altering kick in the pants!). Maybe this was the wake up call I needed to save myself.... Who knows how bad my depression could have gotten before I got help, if I ever even realized I needed help. Lately I have been feeling like the old me, and in some ways even better. My self esteem was never all that great, I've found it much improved (of course losing 40 pounds helped!). I'm back to being able to find the joy in the little things and truly enjoying the people around me again. I'm enjoying activites I plan, even though sometimes the saddeness creeps in that I am not able to share them with H.
