seems that we have agreed on the terms of the divorce. i can't believe it's really come to this and i feel so terrible about the whole thing. i know it's not all my fault but i feel devastated by my own contribution to this. i honestly thought that it would be forever and despite the divorce she is still *the One*.
i miss my son terribly. it's hard to call and talk to them on the speaker phone.. it reminds me so poignantly of my exclusion from the family. it's one of the hardest things i've ever had to endure.
i'm sad all the time even when i'm out and laughing...it's just a mask for the terrible feeling of abandonment that i feel. i cry every day, multiple times a day and i feel like my life is meaningless now.
