Great stuff. I'm definitly glad to have revisited the forums.

I believe what your saying about the EA is along the lines of my own thought process. I think that's why I've come to terms with it and it no longer hurts or keeps me awake at night. Basically, it doesn't rob me of my time.

I know my wife is miserable, I know he is miserable. My W is a troubled soul and as I've said, I see others leave her when they are no longer troubled. I don't know what she talks about with anyone, but I do know the OM knows more about my marriage than I'm comfortable with him knowing. I also get the sense that his mother-in-law, my wife's new BFF, knows more than she should too. She used to rave about how thankful she is that my W is so helpful to OM during such a difficult time for him. Now, mum's the word.

When you spoke of check-in dates, I suppose mine is end of August when school starts. Either my W is still sleeping in the living room or she's moved out. Until then, the EA will continue on its merry way, supported by my wife's new BFF, who is already too involved. She's watching the kids on the days I'm not working from home. I see this as feeding an already crappy situation, but there are some developments arising from this.

My oldest son is refusing to do sleepovers. He's likes to spend time with his friend, but he wants to come home every night to see 'me'. I guess I'm an anchor for him in that way and he talks about feeling at ease when he comes home after being away and it has that home smell. My youngest son, who likes 'everybody' (even the stranger in the van asking him if he wants some candy) is starting to express himself more. I was asked to drop him off at the OM's house yesterday evening and when my son found out he was very unhappy about it. I told him I was taking him over to the OM's house because his mom asked me too and that it's dinner time and she's making dinner for the kids (yes - JOY), that if he has an issue with going to OM's house he needs to take it up with his mom. Sure enough, he did. When she confronted him he said he wanted to go home with me, it shocked me because he's more clingy with his mother, but I'll take it. He told her he was tired of always going to OM's house all the time (Awesome!). With that, I left with him and we had a great time.

This whole EA and BFF thing really doesn't bother me anymore. The kids are making things known to my W in their own time. She's taking note. Makes it difficult for an EA to blossom into much more when your kids are calling you out. When they come to me with questions I no longer defend my W, but I don't accuse either. I simply tell them I have no answers, that I only know what their mom tells me, so if they have any questions or concerns they should feel safe in asking her. I used to just tell them that their mom loves them very much and that she just needs time. Now it's, she loves you guys, but if you have questions, take them up with her, I'm here for them no matter what.

As for scheduling time with the kids......

I do want to do more, but during the school year for the past 2 years of my W's adventure, I've pretty much had free reign with the kids. I know my W loves her kids and it's during the summer that she chooses, or has more time, to spend with them. Plus, 'I' get to play team sports in the summer. The summer is 'me' time. My boys miss me, more the older one, and they tell me so, but they know their always welcome to join me if they choose. I have a feeling this summer they will choose to be with me more. The writing's on the wall.

Losing track (ADD) sorry.

To further explain the "convenience" of the OM and not just that his MIL watches my kids 2 days a week. The OM lives on the way to my W's work, for the most part at least. So when the kids are at his house playing with their friends, she will stop there on the way home to pick them up. Granted, this doesn't stop her from staying and visiting with either her BFF, OM, the kids, or all of them. With the kids out of school, it just means she doesn't have to return home so early in the evening to make sure the kids get to bed. So she has more time to allow for the EA to blossom and the OM gets more opportunities to have another woman in his life other than his insane soon-to-be exW. Eh...whatever.

The more my older son is around his friend, the more his friend opens up about how miserable life is because his parents can't get along. I know my son is taking notes. He talks about it some with me and I let him talk. The most I've offered to him in return is that it's not for him or me to make his friend happy. We're not professionals and it's not our place in life. If he wants to hang out with his friend, then fine, but don't expect that he can make his friend's life better.

With that said, it seems I'm being tested.....by everyone. The OM's son had a sleepover at my house last night. I found this out around 9AM this morning. Seems there are no written plans, but he "might" be staying the night tonight too. Everyone seems to think I'm bitter and angry. My son asked the other day if his friend could come over and I was okay with that, even though he didn't. But this last minute sleep over stuff kind of bugs me since i know I'm being observed. It's my time to shine, but I don't really care one way or the other. I'm kind of put off by how my W told me about it and asked if him being here was okay, as though I would say no and kick him out. The frustrating part is that she also added that she has to go to her friends house so I'll have the kids with me for the day. Since my W told me the other day that she was going out tonight with friends, I may be stuck with OM's kid again.

I don't even give it a thought, her being with the OM. Is she lying to me about where she's going? I don't care. I'm not just saying that. I really don't care. My oldest son asked me this morning if I was going to his game this afternoon. I told him of course I was, I have to get him there. When he asked where mom was I told him she had plans and had left already, but I didn't know if she would be back before his game or just meet us there. His response - "That figures. I should have known."
The distance between his mother is growing with each event so I try to make room for her to have time with the kids during the summer. As I make time and she doesn't use it, it's her problem, not mine.

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No matter how much this keeps going on, knowing what I do about MLC after reading so many books and forums, I can't abandon her. I don't think it's a detachment problem so much anymore as it is a poop or get off the pot kind of thing. Either leave and let me take back my life or stay and we go with on living in seperate rooms.

I have plans for the things I want to do with the house. I was on the verge of redoing the master bathroom until she said she couldn't take another year of 'us'. I figure that even though change is good, I'd rather sit on the money and wait so that when she moves out, the change is for me and she can't say otherwise.

I'm trying to get $100 - $150 worth of gift cards each payday. It's not much, but it will help me get the ball rolling immedietly once she goes. I can't wait to change the locks. Not to be mean, but to set visible boundries. I'm already planning to make sure I tell her, when the time comes, that I will be doing that so that she's aware that it's not where she sleeps anymore and it's best that the kids learn to understand that there are two seperate homes now.

I can honestly look at my W and all I see is the teenager that knows everything. I see 'exactly' the same behavior my older sister had towards our mother when she was 12-17. Maybe that's why, subconsiously, I set my clock at 5 years?

I remember my sisters behavior, the going out all the time, the rants, the struggle to find independence. I remember the off and on relationship we had during those years and I remember how I stood by in silence, minding my own business. I remember when she finally grew up enough and we developed the unbreakable bond we have today.

I also remember my W's mother telling me last year on Fathers Day, that she was so sorry that there's nothing she can do, but if I ever needed anything, I should ask. She asked me not to give up.

That was the first and only time she spoke of my marriage since it took a downhill slide. Enough passed between us in that short moment that we understood each other without speaking about anything at all. I honestly felt that my MIL had seen it from the start and this was not the first time she's been through this with my W. I feel quite confident that I'm seeing the same teenager my MIL saw so many years ago.

So with that said, I'm confident my wife will move out this summer. I think I'd be a bit upset with her if she didn't. When she moved away from home so many years ago, I know she longed to return. She's not been very close to her family these past 2 years even though she's very deeply family oriented. Leaving me just seems like it's what was written before we ever met. It feels like it's what's supposed to happen.