I remember a few years ago going to a Jack Johnson concert with my best friend. Her husband walked out on her after putting her through his MLC hell for two years. Once he was gone, she caught on to what GAL really meant for her. That meant, cutting him off and going dark and refusing to respond unless it was about the child they shared. Anyway, back to the concert...

I remember her telling me about how she was always in the corner he wanted her in. Always doing what he asked, always there, always reliable. But when he left for good, it finally struck her... that she was free to explore her life again. As we sat there at the concert..... he texted her at least 10 times, and called and left voice mails.

I was talking to her again the other day and she was telling me about how she got him back, and it meant "blacking him out" as she put it. She found someone to transport their child back and forth for visits, and told him not to come to her home no more as it made her feel uncomfortable.

When she took these steps, he turned really angry because she was no longer in that corner. They had a business together, and when he went into crisis he booted her out and told her to stay out of their office. When he left, he begged her to do the book keeping again. She did for awhile, then completely stopped.

Her husband never saw her as an individual with needs of her own. He saw her as someone who existed for him.

I guess what I'm saying is, because WHG I thought about you as I listened to her talk, that maybe it is time to find someone who can either transport the children to and from your home, and stop going to her home. Stand up to her and tell her that you don't want to talk anymore unless it's for the kids and that dinners make you uncomfortable.

She does not feel you gone from her life. You are wearing the chain and she's jerking it whenever she needs you. It's not fair. She just walked out on you and when she's bored, she comes by to hang out?

She does not see you as having a life, a separate entity, a man who has his needs. You are there to fulfill her needs and take care of her, but it's OK for her to go out and do as she pleases.

You are a man who has a life too, who has needs too. She must see you as someone who just exists to help her and bail her out.