I dropped in tonight and was quite surprised to realize that my last post on my thread was nine months ago! That's a good sign, I think, if not for my marriage, at least for me.
Since that post, the biggest development has been H's request to divide finances, with the expressed expectation that any agreement we reached would stick through a divorce, if and when that happened. At first, this really unbalanced me, but my response to uncertainty has always been to make a plan. H is a lawyer, and I knew I would be a fool to negotiate with him without consulting my own, so I started getting recommendations through friends and other legal contacts. After several emails back and forth over a few months, it became clear that H was committed to do this, and I would have to act, so I reluctantly made that first difficult call to find legal advice and support. I spoke with three lawyers, each about two hours away, on the phone, and traveled to see two of them in person; both agreed to advise me though this on an hourly basis, and step in front of me if negotiations became unproductive or difficult. I will not lower myself to participate in an ugly fight, nor jeopardize the civil relationship with H that I have, over money, but I will protect myself and my future.
So, after learning more about what I might be entitled to, I asked H for some documents related to the few parts of our finances that are not in my view, and said that I would then work up a proposal for division, and run it by my lawyers before putting it on the table. That was five+ weeks ago. He has not responded to that email or produced the information I requested. Hmmm. I don't know why he has abandoned this push for now, but I feel that I have people on board who can help me, however this progresses.
It was unexpected, but that first appointment with a lawyer flipped a switch. I was, quite suddenly, both empowered and resigned. If H proceeds, I will be fine. If he doesn't, I will when I need to. If there is something he is hiding, it will come out eventually. It still s**ks, but it is what is is, and I am OK.
Twink
M 65 H 64 T 39 & M 36 @ S 12/08 Two Ds
Do you know that the harder thing to do and the right thing to do are usually the same thing? Nothing that has meaning is easy. ~ The Weather Man
