Stand up. Poor and tired, but more than this.

[LIO]

Hi Kat! Yes, I'm thinking about that as you say it. I will decide later on this week or so if I want to talk about changing the arrangement.

On some good news:
Got an initial comp for the house, and it's a lot more than I anticipated! Crosses fingers that it will go for that price.
H isn't helping with prepping the house, but that's okay - I just need him to sign the paperwork. His forte is never home repair anyway.

Other stuff:

I went to my last counseling session last night, and was very encouraged. We briefly discussed H, but that wasn't the purpose of my counseling at this point. I said that H has his own life to work through, and I am mapping out mine! If they cross, so be it, if not, well, then it's not meant to be.

H came over to be with S, and we talked briefly. He asked what our plans were tonight and I said we were planning on going to the library. He wanted to know if he could take S to a kids place and I said "Oh sure! that sounds like fun for you two, I can always take him to the library before you head over tomorrow if that is helpful." He looked shocked that I didn't try to invite myself and that I was accommodating him.

I asked him how his business(es) were going (nothing happening yet) and lightly teased him about his words (the only reason for not being married is so he can start his businesses) and how it might not be 'me'. (joking with us is always good).

He saw that I'm actually making progress on getting the house ready for sale,and asked how the meeting with the agent went. I excitedly told him about how it was going. I also made a quick mention about how I'm planning on switching jobs in the next few months and will be using the funds from this house (if there is any!) to use on a downpayment on a cheaper next house with a pool (which isn't anywhere local as I'm leaving this state!).

I then told him about my latest therapy session and how people like me and him tend to get bored and sabotage our relationships because we like to 'fix the chaos we created' like it's a puzzle by giving ourselves a problem to work on. It was really eye opening visits to me, and I told him that I absolutely would start fights with him just because I was bored, and how I felt that in a way he was doing the same.

He sat there quiet and not looking at me, I thought that I was just talking to myself or I went too far, so I just said 'well, okay I'm heading in, I'll let you both be' and he stopped me and said he was listening (um wow). So I continued on and told him about how she encouraged me to work on my projects that I have going on, and how I would be a great entrepreneur and how to nourish my brain so I don't create these relationship problems. I also mentioned that I told him because 1)I am excited about it and what it means for me to have a direction that isn't me focusing my energy on him entirely, and 2)I believe he and I are the same in a lot of ways, and if he gets any benefit from what I learned, then that's good, maybe he can apply it - if not, no loss! Kind of a two for one special on therapy.

He 'listened' and then I excused myself after playing with the dog with him for a bit, leaving him and S (so I don't hover like he said before).

So H and S are out at their activity, I am feeling just fine being on my own, and I think him moving out has been the best thing for me in an unimaginable way. I am learning so much about who I am and what I want. I also look at him differently now too.