I would try to keep in contact with your kids daily. They are the ones that are going to be hurt the most in the long run and need to keep contact with both parents. Do you have a visitation agreement setup? If not, you need to do that immediately.
What your wife is going through is nothing new. She is 31 and you have been married for 9 years? So the question she is probably telling herself is "I have never had a chance to live, I have to do it now before it is too late." W in transition, MLC, whatever. There could be more to your situation, but it seems a consistent thing.
She wants space. Give it to her. You can't flip-flop on this. It is going to completely hurt and s#ck. Know that it will get better.
My situation is similar with my W. When she told me, I begged, I pleaded. I showered her with ILYs and attention. Her mind was made up long before she told me so remember you are fighting a losing battle right now.
I decided to detach, go dark/dim and GAL. For almost a month, it hurt bad. Lost weight, couldn't sleep, didn't want to eat. Now I sleep. I eat again. You will too.
I believe what I am doing is working. My W is more receptive to me. 95% of the things I do with her is family related. I am keeping it this way to avoid pressure.
Here is what you will probably be hearing soon, just ignore it, it is typical: - ILYBNILWY = I love you but not in love with you - I am not attracted to you anymore - I just need time to think - I need my space
Hang in there. The point you are at is the worst. It will get better. Just start working on GAL and becoming a man only a fool would leave.
M-40 W-33 D3, D4, SD13 T 9 YEARS M 5 YEARS ILYBINILWY APRIL 2012
