When it's a one-way street...part 6

[adinva]

Ah, i left out a very important part of my (b). In changing myself - my perspective, my reactions, my actions and my feelings, it turns out he's not a rotten jerk at all. He's more human than I thought, and sometimes in great pain that I didn't know about, and a lot easier to get along with because I'm not fighting him tooth and nail oppositionally to protect my sense of boundaries.

That is not an act.

I've worked toward it since September, and I don't regret it for a minute. I'd do it longer. Not saying forever, but I have improved myself and I'm a more thoughtful and more empathetic person, and I see there's more I can do to improve. So while I focus on that I'm no longer noticing the things that he did that annoyed me, and no longer taking personally the things I really had worked myself up over.

I don't necessarily have the choice about whether or when we get divorced, but either way I have a whole new attitude and I get different results.

So CV, that's why I kept telling you to focus more on yourself, build your own foundation. Focus less on his shortcomings, take them less personally. Work on you. You don't want to leave him yet, so why not make things nicer while you're there? For YOU.