I agree with you 25, and I WANT to be able to bring up disagreements without them being escalated. But his is a HUGE problem that has been around for ages:
I CANNOT express any kind of negative emotion (disappointment, hurt, anger, WHATEVER) to her without her taking it as a personal attack at her. It does NOT matter if I am calm, using a low voice, soft voice - she will treat it like an attack. And somehow, it gets turned around on ME - "you're never happy with anything! you nitpick me! I can't live up to your standards!". It happens like this ALL THE TIME. And I am left with an angry wife, an unresolved issue and a spinning head wondering how the hell I landed in an argument when I came peacefully with the best of intentions.
Believe me, I am OK owning my stuff - but THAT is something of hers that she will not own. Never has - but it always happens. It's as if her only way to defend herself is to deflect things to me.
