Hey CV, many of our sitches seem impossible the way we define them. Your perception is your reality. The way you think creates the way you feel.

But in reading your story I wonder why you've been beating your head against this wall for so long. How does he feel about being with someone who down inside doesn't like or respect him? What are each of you getting from being married that isn't worse than being alone?

All of your questions come down to how you can change him, and unfortunately you can't. You can change you. But, you ask, how can you change you in a way that will change him? You can't.

He might change, on his own. But there are no answers here that I've ever seen that tell you how to change your spouse.

What can you focus on about you?

Adinva 51, S20, S18
M24 total
6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out
9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50
5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend
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Happiness is a warm puppy.