hi ces - i see where you're at - teetering a bit - patience versus moving forward.
could you approach this with the understanding that the pace will be so slow as to not be noticeable almost at all? then you won't get impatient?
how much are you reading about in the piecing threads - maybe someone could suggest reading some of the threads that describe where you guys are at right now, and you could see that this beginning part is very slow and arduous?
i'm hearing you wanting to set boundaries, push C etc - basically things that would give YOU proof that she is serious about what she's saying.
in other words, you want actions from her instead of words. it's too much too soon. i would say, let her go on this trip, just back off and let the small little good things happen, let her gain more and more confidence in being with you - a month is no time at all, after all that's taken place.
she needs lots and lots of repeated reassurances that being with you is non-threatening, non-confrontational, before she can take these sorts of steps. so if you push things like counseling etc right now when it's so fragile, it may make her pull back hard even though she doesn't really want to.
25yrsmlc had written somewhere - about establishing non-threatening conversations, where there is no pressure at all - can't remember exactly how it was put.
my analogy of the week - fishing - if you fight the fish that just bit the line by tugging too hard or trying to yank it in.... as opposed to gently guiding it towards you, by just holding your ground until it exhausts itself out by struggling...
it's really hard - but you said you were up for it - now be up for it - this is what it is about
hope you have a sweet weekend
zig
ps. you're not the only one in this ces - we are all learning through you. stay strong!!
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
