Had a moment today where I had to hunt and confront a feeling.
Do we want our S to become better whole complete people even if they go on to be that better partner with someone else?
Do we want what's best for them or only if that "best" includes us?
Is it wrong or right to feel that way?
I had this exact thing happen with an exBF. I thought he'd reformed his ways and owned a business and gotten married and became succesful after I'd been supporting him. 5 years later I find out he's still the scumbag he was when he was with me. And that didn't make me feel any happier. I wasn't happy when I thought he was model citizen and I wasn't happy when he was a dirtbag.
So changing patterns: can I be happy for H if he is truly happy but that's with someone else?
I think his mom still has a twinge of "what might have been" with his dad. Even though they're remarried to other people. And even as recent as a few weeks ago he emailed her a nostalgic video she forwarded on to me. Is it "what might have been" or is it just that you two shared something a time, a place, experiences, and you'll always have those memories together that no one can duplicate even though the R didn't work..
I've hunted, I've confronted, but I haven't solved!
