This might be last chance??

[ces67]

1702,

First post on your thread. I've looked at some of your thread but not all to be honest. So forgive me if I've missed a critical point. Here are a few things that caught my attention:

--Wife wanting to live like she was back in her twenties"

Been there. My W, really changed her personality and started hitting the bars, drinking a lot and acting like a party girl. Nothing wrong with having fun but looks a little weird for a 40-something mother of 2.

--W only liked the idea of being married but never really loved you.

My W said the same thing. Said she fell in love with an idea of what she thought she was suppose to want and now found out it wasn't true as she is finding who she truly is.

--W said you deserve a family and happiness and to move on.

Yep, heard that too. My W was "so kind" to tell me that she'd understand if I didn't want to be married to her anymore...

My bomb dropped 2 years ago. I started doing DB stuff around the fall of 2011.

2 years later, my W and I spent an entire day together this week, just the 2 of us and no kids. W actually asked me to plan for family vacations next stuff - for all of us together. We are learning to be around each other again and her comfort level with me is growing.

I wasn't sure it would ever happen. I had to accept that it might not. When I did that, I was able to move on and focus on me and find joy for myself and not based upon whether or not my W as part of my life. She can bring me joy, but she cannot be the source of my happiness. That's too much to ask of anyone.

Just this week, we had a minor setback and my W told me she didn't want me going back to the person I was who was uptight, needy and suspicious. I agreed and we moved on.

I know this is the hardest thing you've ever faced. I'm betting each day feels like an eternity walking with a weight around your neck.

It sounds like your comfort zone is to hold tightly onto your W just so she is around even if being around is full of struggle, strife and hardship. Letting go is extremely risky...it just is. But sometimes you have to take the risk to find a reward. Its a step of faith to let go. People here are saying they took that step and it worked. For some it worked and their WAS came back. For others the WAS didn't come back but they grew as people and moved on to better lives.

People here are encouraging you to take that risk because they have seen for other and/or themselves the reward of the risk and want that for you too. We want you to know that you can be happy and fulfilled without your W. It may not be what you really want, but its what you need. And once you get that, you may find that you're more attractive to your W. But it has to be for you.

Good luck.