I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. You came here to get your wife back, the same as 90% of the people that were looking at sites like this. I know I'll move on with my life no matter what, but I don't want to do it w/o her
It's not that I am not willing, but my W's last text said to me "I don't get how to make you understand..... She is saying it is over and there is nothing I can do to change it. No counseling, no talking, no nothing. "I'm not your wife anymore" and "I am moving on with my life without you".
What do you do with that?
My H said the same thing to me. Almost exact. And you know what he said a couple weeks ago? That he now can see a future with me. Never thought I'd ever hear that. If you believe in your marriage then believe in it. Get yourself busy and do things that you would have never done before. It's exhilarating and gets your mind off of the madness inside your marriage. Little by little, the hurt you're feeling seems to come less and less. I've been at this for 9.5 months and, no, I do not proclaim to be the greatest DB'er, but at times like this, I can see how WAS's feel confused because they think this is the only answer.
Well we all know, it's not the only answer. There is so much more to be done. Make a list of some great 180's that you can start to implement in your life. And start doing them. Do things that you would never be expected to do. It will feel extremely weird at first and then you'll start to see a difference in you. There's a lot to be said about taking a different approach, even if it feels utterly ridiculous.
Don't give up. Well, I guess, unless you want to. That is completely up to you.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
First post on your thread. I've looked at some of your thread but not all to be honest. So forgive me if I've missed a critical point. Here are a few things that caught my attention:
--Wife wanting to live like she was back in her twenties"
Been there. My W, really changed her personality and started hitting the bars, drinking a lot and acting like a party girl. Nothing wrong with having fun but looks a little weird for a 40-something mother of 2.
--W only liked the idea of being married but never really loved you.
My W said the same thing. Said she fell in love with an idea of what she thought she was suppose to want and now found out it wasn't true as she is finding who she truly is.
--W said you deserve a family and happiness and to move on.
Yep, heard that too. My W was "so kind" to tell me that she'd understand if I didn't want to be married to her anymore...
My bomb dropped 2 years ago. I started doing DB stuff around the fall of 2011.
2 years later, my W and I spent an entire day together this week, just the 2 of us and no kids. W actually asked me to plan for family vacations next stuff - for all of us together. We are learning to be around each other again and her comfort level with me is growing.
I wasn't sure it would ever happen. I had to accept that it might not. When I did that, I was able to move on and focus on me and find joy for myself and not based upon whether or not my W as part of my life. She can bring me joy, but she cannot be the source of my happiness. That's too much to ask of anyone.
Just this week, we had a minor setback and my W told me she didn't want me going back to the person I was who was uptight, needy and suspicious. I agreed and we moved on.
I know this is the hardest thing you've ever faced. I'm betting each day feels like an eternity walking with a weight around your neck.
It sounds like your comfort zone is to hold tightly onto your W just so she is around even if being around is full of struggle, strife and hardship. Letting go is extremely risky...it just is. But sometimes you have to take the risk to find a reward. Its a step of faith to let go. People here are saying they took that step and it worked. For some it worked and their WAS came back. For others the WAS didn't come back but they grew as people and moved on to better lives.
People here are encouraging you to take that risk because they have seen for other and/or themselves the reward of the risk and want that for you too. We want you to know that you can be happy and fulfilled without your W. It may not be what you really want, but its what you need. And once you get that, you may find that you're more attractive to your W. But it has to be for you.
Good luck.
Me:45, W:45 S:16 D:13 M:22, T:25 Bomb: July 2010 Putting finances in order for "D" Continue to live in same home-separate rooms
Is this a positive or am I just looking too much into things/mindreading???? I sent W a few texts last night about a few different things but the last one was that it isn't fair that she hasn't let me see SD in a month, that I missed her and I wanted to see her. She actually responds that if she isn't busy on Monday, that I could pick some stuff up and see SD for a little bit. Monday is our anniversary. Did she say this so we could see each other on our A or is it a coincidence/mind reading?
So I was a WAW or whatever. The best thing you can do and I'm sure everyone is telling you this is to STEP BACK and GIVE SPACE. You want her to think of you as happy, fun, confident, stable, loving. Not angry, vengeful, disrespectful, hurt, full of blame and guilt. If you are angry or you demand answers from her or you bombard her with texts and questions you'll only push her away. It will require superhuman strength. It will require you being unselfish and putting aside your own pain about the situation. not everyone can do.
