Going dark means regaining your dignity and self respect. It means that u think good things of yourself. It means that u have let H go. You don't need him to be whole. and u can't put dates on things it don't work like that. So in June u will stop loving him?
How are u different today?
The problem is, I will never stop loving him. It is impossible. This could go on and on and on. I feel like letting him go and ending my R with him, is me regaining my dignity. Do you know how much it hurts to have a spouse tell you to your face that they're in love with someone else but they MIGHT see a future with you? But in the mean time they're going to continue having sex with the OP? The OP is there for all major family events and is continually growing closer with your kids.
I am being replaced. That is just the dirty truth.
Where is my dignity in that? Just holding on to little bits and pieces of nothing. They're becoming closer and I'm becoming resentful and angry.
How am I different today? I feel like I'm more understanding than I've ever been in my entire life. I have given him the benefit of the doubt several times. I have overcome a lot of my anxieties about cleaning and keeping things together... this is still not perfect, but if I aim towards perfection then I feel I'm just setting myself up to fail. I work out so much more than I ever have which does make me feel better about myself.
I feel my full potential of reaching my independence can't be obtained until I find a place of my own. Get a job and start doing everything for myself. I'm torn about the job on a daily basis because I was told by my L not to get one. (Here I am a stay-at-home mom who's living with her mother and, really, I have no where else to go unless I do get a job. I know this needs to happen sooner or later, just don't know if its wise to pursue it now.) My tax guy did just recently tell me that H did email him on May 8th to ask him what my income was... I'm guessing for alimony. He never did respond to my H, though, because he felt like he would be helping my husband possibly get out of having to pay it. Because I'm self-employed it's harder to read it on our previous tax returns, I guess.
I will be talking with a third L on Monday to see if she's a good fit for me. The first one I talked to was arrogant and distracted and the second one was absolutely amazing but extremely expensive. I'm hoping this third one can be somewhere in the middle.
And I know that everyone thinks I need to just forget about H. What he's doing should not be my focus. How do I do that when my kids bring him up in every other sentence? Most of the time I just respond with, "cool." I don't want to make them feel bad for talking about their dad, but it kills me to hear it. When will I stop caring? I don't know.
Me: 32 H: 32 M 9 yrs #1 D7 #2 S5 #3 D2 Bomb 8/12/11 H moved out 8/14/11 PA started w/H & OW in 1/12 - found out 3/24/12 Got my own place 8/25/12 H & OW move in together 9/15/12 Still married.
