With the plate thing, I just didn't say anything. Honestly? I'm NOT appreciative. Partly because it was S's plate, not mine. Party because I can accomplish the same thing by not sitting near him or not going to dinner with him. Maybe that's selfish, maybe that's arrogant, I don't know. I get it that he's making a change in his behavior, but the behavior is a choice in the first place, unlike his snoring. Wearing his cpap is something I can be appreciative of because he has to put effort into changing something that he's not choosing in the first place, it's inconvenient, probably uncomfortable. That I can appreciate. Otherwise, this is something I don't get. I wonder how I would look this up?
Oppositional behavior.... I'm going to have to look that up before I can respond to the idea. My first thought was, no, that he's more of a child. I've certainly never thought of my H as a father figure, I've always felt like the mother, like I have two children to raise (hate it!) But I'm clearly opposed to the suggestion that I thank him for not picking food off my plate. Is that the same thing? I certainly don't look at you as my mother, so I'm not opposing you that way. So I'm going to have to look into this one a bit. Goody, something new!
Originally Posted By: Advina
you can start to build a bridge of goodwill toward each other.
LOL! Well I couldn't type fast enough to put down the train of thought I had for this one, so I'll just say I landed on you're probably right. The big question is will I want him when I accomplish that?
Originally Posted By: Advina
The surprise was how far you stretched the meaning of the food-plate thing. Your pain is so deep and multifaceted.
Yup. I think the problem is how our R has been whittled down to almost nothing. If you only interact with someone for 10 minutes a day, and the other person spends 9.5 minutes in silence and 30 seconds offending you, it's hard to look beyond it. There's nothing beyond it to look to.
Thank you for your time, Advina. You and Accuray and a few others either have tougher skin or I'm not offending you the same as I do some. So thanks for hanging with me. There is progress, I am listening, some things are sticking.
