Yes, Zig, I am the WAW. H has never been. He is the LBS and has read DB with a positive response, at least intellectually. You're inserting a lot into my posts that isn't there, like the above, and like stating that I read the quote everyday to keep the WAS perspective fresh in my mind. What you're inserting is not true - period. It's not my opinion or perspective, it's a tangible fact. I almost feel like you're projecting, which is understandable, it happens. But I don't know how to address the invalid insertions of yours without being accused of being argumentative, so unless you ask for clarification, I just won't comment on the invalid statements.
BTW, I've read your sitch. You have a LOT going on, had a lot going on. I don't envy your sitch. It seems like you're doing a great job evaluating your contributions to the problems. I feel for you. I also feel for your H. I can see why he would just want to get away from the stress/burden. Tough road!
I did want to ask you ... do you believe there is such a thing as a "bully"? Or is the victim just not "centered, grounded and independent" enough and if they'd get their stuff together, there wouldn't be a problem?
i'm not really sure within what context you're asking me about the "bully" thing.
are you asking that because you think that i am bullying you? or that your h is bullying you?
and what exactly do you think i'm projecting? my feelings about my h onto you, because you're the WAS here?
i find it really interesting that you only respond vehemently to things that obviously touch a raw nerve within you. when anyone offers advice or a different perspective on how you could approach things, you ignore that completely.
if you are the WAS spouse, what do you really expect right now? your h is telling you loud and clear that he is having a hard time with you. you've changed your mind and you want to make this work, and i think deep down you do, but if you are approaching it with the same tone of voice and attitude that you express in these posts ( and i could be wrong about that, but a lot of stuff does come through in spite of written text), why are you surprised that you are not getting the response you need?
There is no gentleness, empathy, sympathy or love expressed in your writing about your h. there is no generosity in your tone - maybe it is there within you, but it's not showing here - all i hear is defensiveness and holding on to old stuff. you want your h to let go of stuff and work with you on this - but i don't see you letting go of something as little as him eating off your plate - and yes, i do agree that you are a tad bit too focused on that detail.
my comments on that quote, are still the same. if you are approaching trying to fix your marriage with those sorts of feelings that you say are very present within you, then i'm just wondering what you are really expecting from your h in terms of participation.
as for your comments on my sitch - "thank-you" - your warm sympathy and well wishes are duly noted.
i wish you well on your journey - and hope you find peace and clarity for yourself. I also wish your h the same
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
