WH he could be acting nastier because he's realizing that he, and not you, is the source of his discontent (at least we can wish and hope that that's what it is, right?). I chuckled at your moment of realizing you could take up the whole bed. I have been trying to sleep in the middle of mine but there is a big lump there because it is not used to having just one person in it! That is a good thing to feel comfortable there, though.
Originally Posted By: wishing, hoping
He keeps insisting that he does not want to hurt me. He tells me he only has my best interest at heart. I don't know what to believe right now because actions speak louder than words and every action he does I believe is out of intention to hurt me. Is he really that clueless? How can he not know how much I am hurting? Or is he just too busy running away from his own pain that he cannot see the pain he is causing everyone else?
H says this stuff, too. Or he'll do something and say "See? I really care." NOT HELPFUL. Although his actions and words don't match I would not read too deeply into that. Yes, he probably is that clueless right now and running from his own pain. Sorry to say but it's hard to watch from our end.
Have you read of an of Al Turtle's stuff? (google him). He speaks a lot about how everyone's actions make perfect sense to them, but may not make sense to anyone else because only the actor is privy to all of the reasons behind those actions. He has a diagram of a submerged iceberg to illustrate this - we can see some things and our interpretation of their actions is colored by our own perspective. Thus we need to learn to see things from multiple perspectives - ours and theirs. So - your H's actions make sense to him because he is not thinking clearly. That's why attempting to reason won't work with him.
Thanks Vera. I am in a mood today where I am really blaming myself for the situation I am in. I do not know what to think about my situation. I am doing okay getting a life and acting as if. But DB tells you to do what works. It honestly does not feel like anything is working to draw H in. I wish I wS sure if this was MLC or not. My plan would not change but then I would know what I was dealing with.
Sorry but I am having a Debbie Downer moment. Too much emotion and financial drama going on. I hope tomorrow's session with the L helps.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I know exactly what you mean about DB saying to do what works! I'm not sure anything is working with my H right now. I'm definitely GAL and having a good time doing it, but it does not replace the feelings of me missing my H.
I still think you are doing a great job!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
Thanks H&P. I know DB is working on me. I feel better about myself than I have in months. I am rediscovering who I am. And I have things to work on but I am a pretty darn awesome person. And H is missing out.
But I can't help but miss what we used to be and mourn what is lost. The OW has nothing on me but apparently she meets needs I cannot. That is hard to accept.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I couldn't agree with you more! I know I'm an awesome person and he is for sure missing out!
I understand the accepting aspect as well. I wish the best for the both of us and in the end if our H do not realize what they are missing out on, then we will find someone who will truly appreciate EVERYTHING we have to offer!
M: 27 H: 28 T: 8 yrs M: 6 yrs Sep: 2/18/12 (I have no feelings for you!) EA/PA Uncovered: 2/26/12 H introduces OW to his fam: June H moves ALL stuff out: July
Took D to t-ball while H took S to baseball. Came home and made dinner for the first time in ages. Did some laundry and some light cleaning. Was Pretty upbeat and happy tonight. Even lit a good smelling cinnamon french toast candle. I have plenty of candles around and never light them often enough. I want to start using these candles again. They make the house so pleasant.
Tomorrow having drinks and dinner after work with some co-workers. H will need to pick up kids and make them dinner. Appointment with lawyer tomorrow as well. A bit nervous. Hope he gives me some good information.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Great discussion with the L. I think we have a winner. I feel very comfortable with him. Very open and very much on my side.
I had emailed H yesterday to let him know he needed to pick up the kids and make dinner tonight as I had plans. He called to tell me he had "obligations" this afternoon and what exactly were my plans? I told him I was meeting with someone to discuss the house situation (that is only part of it, but he doesn't need to know e everything) and I would be home about 7:00. He got very angry and said "I'm not even going to get into it with you". I said what is there to "get into" about? He said "I find it amazing that I find these people during working hours and you can't." I said I am sorry you feel that way, but it is what it is. I can only do what I can do. He was seething. I can tell. He said "just get it done then". I cheerfully said "okay" and hung up.
Imagine how angry he will be when he finds out I was conferring with a lawyer.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Driving home from dinner with friends who should call but H. Wants to know where I am. I tell him I am five minutes from home. I get home I can see he is preparing to leave. Smart. Driving and hour and a half to spend a few hours with OW and he will have to get up two hours earlier than normal to get to work on time. Well, he has never been the brightest bulb in the package.
He tells me S is upset and D wouldn't eat. He ordered pizza for them so I guess he fed them at least. He said S was upset about the D and I said of course he is upset. H wanted me to talk to him. S was in bed and I told him it was okay to be sad and that mom was doing everything she could to make sure we were going to be okay. I held him and told him I was going to find someone he could talk to. I told him I was sad too and I did not like this eitherbu there is only so much I can do. He seemed to be better after our talk. I hate what H is putting us through.
So then as H is walking out the door he asks me to buy drinks for us to take to S's soccer tournament to fill the cooler and to please put his wash in the dryer and put it away. I thought I got fired from that job? Only when he does not want me to be his wife I guess. Talk about cake eating. Wow!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Wow. I hope you put his clothes in a garbage bag and leave it by the door for him to take with him! Actually if I were you I would just leave them in there and say that you didn't have time to get to it as you've been very busy recently!
If you're feeling super saucy and not in the mood for DB'ing you could tell him to have OW do it for him (don't do this!! but it's fun to think of doing it!).
Glad you got your L set and I think what you said to S was great.
(don't do this!! but it's fun to think of doing it!).