BM - You've been living together for 7 years?! Yowsers! I know there's no time limit on these things, but as much as they are itching to leave, what could possibly make him want to stay so long?

My wife wants out really bad, but even with child support, her life is not what she's been living. I'm pretty certain that's on her mind and I know she's sought legal counsel two years back so I'm sure she knows there's even less child support money when the kids would be co-habitating. She's not ruthless towards me and insists she wouldn't pull for full custody. My kids are too attached to me and she knows that. Realistically she can't support the kids schedules either. I have the good fortune of having very flexible hours and can work from the house when need be so I'm able to adjust to the kids school and activities. All that goes away for both of us if I've got weekends only.......

This whole thing is so grey. I was talking via email to another woman ( I know, I know, EA of my own maybe? ) who I knew nothing about other than her name and that she lived several states away from me, but she was having very similar issues as my wife. We talked through our frustrations and looked for understanding. She hated her husband and hated being mean and she couldn't understand why he wouldn't just give up. After about 3 months of emails, her husband went in and saw she was talking to me and accused her of having an affair. I told her I'd respect their privacy and haven't spoken to her since. Was it appropriate? No. Did I think I was helping? Yes. Was I? Probably not. It would have been helping had she told her husband about me and why she's talking to me - before he invaded her privacy. I shouldn't have to say that I had/have no interest in meeting her or speaking to her on the phone and that I've had no desire to email her since I said I wouldn't.

Anyway, with that said, she said something to me that I think is the whole reason I still can't give in just yet. I told her the things my wife said when we talked. I told her about how my wife resents me, my trying to make things work frustrates her, her feeling stuck, the determination to leave because that's the only thing she's sure is the answer for making her feel better. The lady I was talking to said that she said all of the same things, that she often still feels that way and that she knew she said them at the time because that really how she felt. But each day was different and even though she still feels that way much of the time, she finds that some days she's more grounded and knows she's being rash.

I'm not holding out for my wife to stay, but I can't help but hold on to the thought that maybe she will not move out. I don't hold onto that very tightly at all, but it's still a thought. It's for the kids. Personally, I want her out if she wants no part of us, I hate being treated like an eye sore. It's the kids though. They don't like the current situation, but I don't want to make it worse by forcing them to live under 2 separate roofs. I guess I feel like I can protect them better if they can see that their mom and I 'can' work together.