Each situation is so different. I think that, in the past, my small contacts w/ W made her feel guilty, even if that wasn't my attention. This guilt did not pull her back to me, it did the opposite. I think it also made her feel like I was trying to control her. You know him best and how he may feel about the contact.
He has always wanted to be friends. He has continued to see me and spend time with me in a friendly way. I have been the one to pursue R talks, pursue him, etc. I worry that now, when he says that he might be moving in with her and I flip out, he could be thinking that perhaps we can't be friends. Me reminding him of feelings only makes him feel guilty.
Because I was the one to walk away and come back "when it suited me" or "when he found someone" or "when he became happy" (all things he's said) I worry that he is testing me to see if I will stick around, if I won't just walk when I don't get my way, if I'll respect his feelings and accept his friendship which is all he's offering at the moment. So I do feel like I need to make "some" attempts towards the friendship without pursuing. This is the first time I've initiated a text convo in 2 weeks.
There are a few truths I know: Even if the crystal ball told me we would never get back together, I'm not ready to date right now. Even if the crystal ball told me we would never get back together, I'd still want him as a friend.
So for those reasons I'm trying my hardest to show him that I can be a friend without wanting an outcome. It's hard it's everything I'm not: dominating, selfish, controlling, etc. But i don't want to be that.
Defining moments someone said. I want to be a better person.
