When it's a one-way street...part 6

[adinva]

Hi there - I'm glad you stepped away to the pool. I find myself obsessed with divorce and relationships and stuff sometimes to the point where I have to get some space from it, hope you did.

You're right about my comment - devastated is a bit overly dramatic. But without going back and rereading I have noted that you bring it up frequently and it sort of serves as an example of the many ways he just doesn't listen or change, which is offensive to your soul as much as to your dinner. At least to me it would be. It kind of serves as an example of the hopelessness of your sitch if H just won't stop eating off your plate (figuratively and literally).

What I suggested was that you put off looking for behavior changes of his, because it's too early in the process. First you need to work to change the dynamic that happens with you two, and that can be done just by changing you. If you want to.

So using the plate example, I had suggested some alternate responses and I wondered what you thought of them. They would involve dissociating the hand reaching out from your sense that he utterly disregards what you clearly tell him you need. Lose the offendedness. It's a feeling based on the thoughts you have about his action, and you can change your thoughts. Take action to protect your boundary (move your plate away, etc) and hopefully begin to erase the bad feelings that make it so difficult for you to even be sure you want to be in the relationship.

I dunno. Trying to grasp at the things I think might help. Take care,
Best regards,