...After all my GAL activities this weekend, now I'm home and feeling sad. I hate this roller coaster ride! At times, I really do want to just drop all of his things off at his new apartment and be like "here you go, it's done!"
Not that it would make me completely detach from him, but then I would in a way know I tried everything. I have been pretty much dark (except for seeing him Saturday for refi papers that was necessary) for 6 1/2 weeks and it has not done anything for our M. It has made me GAL and hang out with more people but at the end of the day, I don't feel that much better, because I still miss him so much!
Maybe dropping off all of his things would be a 180 for me...but then it's pushing him more towards divorce and having NO attachment to me.
I just don't know what to do anymore in terms of our M. I know that there really is nothing that I can do, because I only have control over me, so I do need to focus on myself and making a better me. ...
The worst thing about a pending divorce is not learning from the 1st marriage. I have tried really hard to do some soul searching and digging to see how I could have been different, what I could have done...
While married, I set goals for myself, achieved them, and moved onto the next one. I was happy with my life and happy with my H. Yes, this past year was difficult because he broke my trust, but I still tried to be happy and push through it. I had friends outside of our M and hobbies. ... I did all the cleaning in the house and occasionally helped him with yard work. I took care of all the bills. We went out to dinner and on vacations and hung out with friends and family. We had a good sex life.
I thought we had a balanced life and marriage. I thought what I was giving him was what every H would want. It turns out that it wasn't and that truly does scare me for the future.
Oh HP I feel the same way, I felt like I pretty much could have said all of these things that you said! (( ))
Originally Posted By: hopingandpraying
... IN R, I understand that the R goes through different phases of love, my H did not. That is one thing that he complains about...that we did not have this romantic love anymore (well at least not all the time). I mean, we were together, for 8 years...it's not supposed to be sunshine and roses all the time right?!?!
I've had this exact same conversation
Let me know if you find that magic potion, I'd like to buy a bottle!
Anyway I think you are doing good, as Accuray noted. Dark is hard but he is noticing and verbalizing it to someone else. Stay strong. (( ))
