I don't really hear anything that sounds unfair. The agency firmed up the details of the contract regarding rate and transportation fees before care began. You might wish their rates and terms were different, but it isn't unfair for them to bill as they do. The tax issue was beyond their control and now you can get that money back. I'm not sure what to think about transportation fees, but she did let you know about them and I guess you'll know soon enough if they are legal. There is a difference between reimbursing for mileage and compensating someone for travel time, so perhaps that matter to what the state allows.
The only issues seem to be:
(1) They are raising the rates.
(2) They involve you too much.
With respect to (1), it sounds to me like the pay raise is likely required to keep people working with you because the position really is much more demanding than other jobs. You seem to be finding this out yourself as other options turn you down because the job is so demanding. If you have skilled people willing to do the job who you trust, it seems unwise to jeopardize that. It also seems rather generous for her to lock in the rate for three years.
With respect to (2), I can definitely see how her style could be too stressful for you. It seems to me that you might even be a bit reactive/feeling victimized precisely because of your stress level (perfectly understandable). Long-term, it wouldn't be good for anyone not to get that under control.
Have you tried being very direct with her? She may have many clients that like the level of contact that she provides and/or her style may work better with other clients because other cases are easier and don't require as many decisions. Perhaps it would be useful to try to think about some boundaries to protect yourself and then share with her what you'd like in a clear, direct, non-emotional way, perhaps via email. Maybe things would get better, maybe not. But no harm in trying as you continue to weigh your options. What exactly would you like to be different with respect to how she involves you in care decisions?
