this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

thanks verab

groan - i knew the second it came out of my mouth that i had said the wrong thing.

actually no - he first agreed quite happily - yeah that sounds good. and over the next minute or so, his whole demeanor changed completely..


oh well - live and learn.

i have a lot to learn about how to ask or say things - it's still fake for me, in the sense that i know what i want to ask, but apparently the way i ask it comes out as control or pressure.

i have felt so much pressure over these last months, trying to figure out how to say things in a way so that it is not taken like that. the sad thing is that my intention isn't at all to pressure or control, but that's how it comes out.

this was something interesting i read today from an astrology site i frequent which gives information in terms of long and short term influences - i'm copying it here because it is entirely about this, which i thought was very interesting

This influence indicates a general reworking of your relationships with others, and you may not always be happy about the outcome. In general, others are resisting your efforts to control the relationship, which you may be doing in spite of your best intentions. But your partner will not ask that the relationship be totally destroyed unless you are so rigid and unwilling to change that there seems no other way out. All your partner wants is to redefine the relationship so that he has a greater say and more room to move. It is possible that these effects may work the other way, that you are the one who is struggling to gain control in a relationship. In either case, the relationship has to express each of you more appropriately than in the past.

there is so much truth here - and it is put so clearly.

if i am indeed "controlling the relationship, in spite of my best intentions" or did do so in the past (and that's how h sees me still, and it gets reconfirmed by the little things i say ), then i have to say that i DON'T at all want to be "rigid and unchanging in my ways"

i feel i have changed a lot, but still keep finding stuff within myself that i need to work on - and this listening/controlling thing is definitely at the top of the list this week

thanks for your response and i will go check Turtle out. also thanks for the example of how to rephrase questions - i need to practice.

zig