So much to say, So little room

[AJM]

I hear ya. I had many of those same feelings. Once in a great while I still do. For a while, I felt like I wanted her to "see". To experience failure in her next marriage. Sometimes I struggled with wanting her to fail. Know what? With the passage of time, it all becomes much clearer.
I don't want those things for her. I want her to be happy, healthy and successful. Why? Because I saw the other side and I don't wish that on anyone.
I don't like her choices. I don't like the way the in-laws treat me. I don't like the way former friends look at me. But I realized that they don't know the whole story and they want what they want. I don't control that. I don't want to control that.

I want to be me. I want to be left alone and to get away from the craziness. I lived with her for a long time during this. The cheating, the lies, the rage, the blaming me, the telling me she never loved me, she wanted to date, etc. It all comes to an end and means nothing. Really.

What matters is the example you set for the kids. They'll remember every piece of it. They'll remember how you treated them. How you rebuilt yourself once she left. How you treated her. Important and difficult things.

The bible talks about heaping coals on another's head. It's not worth it for that reason by itself. Rather, it's a by-product of doing what you know is right for your kids and yourself and even your W.

In time, it all comes out, like it or not. Might be many years, but it will come out.

You've figured out to let her go. You're in the waiting game now, but even that will pass. Never soon enough, but if you let it, it will pass before you know it. I've been through similar and didn't like hearing that at the time. I come back here mostly to try and help. To let people know there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Your W may never figure it out. Everyone else around her will whether they tell you or not. Let them figure out what they are going to believe, do, say etc. and worry about what you can control. The rest is time wasted.

I'm good friends with most of my ex's family. Just not my in-laws. I don't want to be though. They can't cope very well and I in no way am in a position to want to help them with that. They didn't ask

Separation is not easy for the kids. Especially with the circumstances the way they are. The best you can do for them is be friendly with their mom. They're smart and will figure out what they want to do. You won't always like it, but keep your head and they'll come around when they get it out of their system. I've seen it many times with many friends and my own kids. You are their father and will always be there for them. Remember that and live up to it. One parent must at least, right?
You have the resolve. You have the moxy. You have all the power. You know that, but don't want to use it, right? I think that is the most powerful statement about you actually. To have that kind of resolve is very powerful and a testament to the kind of person you really are.

Let her go find out. Wish her well. For your sake as much as everyone else's. Let the rest sort itself out, because it will in its own time regardless of what you do to help it along

AJ