In-Home Separation, One Year Point

[workinghardguy]

But you can see her confusion in what she said. She wants her H... or perhaps better, she wants A husband. Right now she doesn't even have that.

As far as the kids... I don't agree with Rick. Don't let him or make him do all the talking. Whether right or wrong, you're doing this together. Whether you want it or not, it's happening to the both of you.

Kids are amazingly perceptive. Your lack of input and involvement will be noted.

Plus why should he get to write the script? Just because you make him say everything doesn't mean he'll say what you want said.

Lastly... and this is oh so very, very, very hard... this isn't about blame. It can't be "Dad wants a divorce but I don't, but because he wants one we are getting divorced." Even delivered calmly that's setting your kids up to blame dad. And maybe dad deserves all the blame, but reserve that for when they're older and ask. Instead "mom and dad have decided we cannot be married anymore. Some time this happens between adults. It's not your fault and you have nothing to do with why we can't be married."

If you want to toss in you still care for each other as friends ok, but only if you mean it.

And, btw, the kids will figure out the truth pretty fast. It took my S, who's only six, about two months to figure out that my W is the driving force. Never told him this, never mentioned it. But I'm quite sure he pieced together that mom moved out, that I was very sad for a long time, and most of all that I am willing to talk to him about the divorce where my W isn't. Because while I feel guilty and sad that he is going through this pain, I don't feel the same guilt and pain my W has told me she feels because she feels she brought it on him.