I remember talking with my wife a number of times about friends who were having marital difficulties and saying that if they werent happy, what was the sense of staying together, life was too short, they deserved to be happy, and if splitting accomplished that feat, then so be it.
This was espoused by one of XWs great aunts. When XW told the kids she had made her decision she stated she heard words to this affect. She stated the shade of Great Aunt B agreed with me.
This is not a sea story, both of my kids and SIL2 have told me this on separate occasions. It shocked them into inaction and disbelief. It is an indication of how deeply she was affected by her crisis and how desperate she became to justify her decision.
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Children, no matter what the experts say, never really recover from their parents being divorced, esp if the d is acrimonious. They may be resilient, and may appear to be unaffected, but inside they are sad that the family has been torn apart. And their sadness is generational in its affect, because their attitudes about relationships and men and women are bound to be affected.
Quite true in my limited experience. I have five nieces and two nephews affected by decisions their parents made. Although adults when their mother made her decision my own children have admitted to working through affects wrought by this experience. My daughter who I see most often has confided to me about some trust issues. This was a fairly long discussion revolving around the idea that someone could throw away 30 yrs in a few days. I hope I helped. Time will tell. One niece and one nephew have also been affected by our D. Through dysfunction in SIL2 relationships XW and I became surrogate parents for a time.
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No one ever wins in a divorce, no matter how amicable it appears to be.
IDK, but I don’t think there is anything to win. We survive, we change, we proceed on, hopefully gaining something from the experience. I have learned something from each of life’s experience.
I’ve learned not to pry an extension cord out of an electrical socket with a metal knife. I have learned that closed almost empty cans of oil based paint have no place in a trash fire.
I am learning the value of unconditional love.
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No fault divorce laws are causing incredible damage to the family unit, and society in general.
I don’t fault the law. It is the application I fault. I think the pendulum has swung too far and the alternative is beyond contemplation. Both of my parents D’ed in the 1950’s under the old system.
Growing up I had a step sister from my father’s XW’s indiscretions that he adopted in 1946. In his D he provided photographic proof. It was ugly.
Mom was battered and shot at. Her XH was a violent alcoholic. I had a half sister from that union. Born premature in 1949, weighing about 4 lbs, immature lungs, with an underdeveloped suck reflex she was fed with an eye dropper for the first month or so. Learning and emotional difficulties impeded her throughout her short life. She passed before 50. Her premature birth was linked to a beating mom took.
Flawed as it is I’ll take this system over that. I’d rather see proactive relationship therapy tied to major life events be the norm, but here I am fantasizing about a societal change.
For all my parents history and baggage they had a good marriage, and I grew in a happy caring environment. To your third point they had their scars, but they overcame them and learned to make their marriage work providing a nurturing environment for me and two of my three sisters.
They showed me there is life after D, there is happiness. We need to make it happen.
Semper Fidelis
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
