One of the things my H has complained about is how I would tune him out at home: most evenings after work, I'd veg out on my laptop, read, or watch tv and he felt I was inattentive. This *is* true...although he'd be on his laptop or zoning out in front of the tv as well. In any case, my question is, now when he stops over the house most evenings (even if for a few minutes), do I make a point of focusing on him more? He'll typically come by after work, pick up mail, do some laundry, or errands around the house. Often I am reading or watching tv at this time. Would an appropriate 180 be for me to stop what I'm doing and engage him more?
We do usually chit chat during these times...and I'm not bringing up R or anything along those lines. He definitely is distant during these short visits...and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't want to seem needy or clingy, so I keep my poker face on and speak about everyday stuff. I guess I'm confused...if one of his gripes about how I've failed him is that he felt I didn't care enough, should I be making more effort when he stops over?
I'm working hard on other things and GAL. I know I let things go to some extent and was unmotivated in our relationship. I've been exercising, eating better, feeling more energetic, taking better care of the house, reaching out to others/socializing more since he left three weeks ago. And these in essence are 180's for me; they feel right and I know I'm better for doing them.
Do you suggest I make him feel more welcome when he comes over? Or do I maintain what I've been doing...talk to him politely, keep the tone light and friendly?
M-40 H-39 M- 12 years T- 20 years Separation: 5-8-12; H says he wants to pursue divorce
