this rocky path WILL smooth out

[zig]

more thoughts:

i see my own role here that is an old pattern, that i'm trying to change now that i am more aware of it. i think it is a combination of expectations , hope disappointment and confusion.

here's how it goes

h throws out some idea or suggestion, talks about it in detail and gets me to agree. I believe and am convinced that this is how he wants to do it. then i expect him to follow through because he has spent time and energy convincing me about it.

As time passes, he doesn't seem to follow through, if i ask i can see he takes it as pressure, so i don't say anything.

after a while i am struggling with disappointment and in the past it built up to resentment (not anymore)

and then i'm just confused because i simply can't figure out what he wants.



so now, of course i realize that it's my own expectation that created my downfall in the situation and so i'm starting NOT to expect, even if he suggests something.

but here's where it gets screwy for me - in the whole co-parenting arena and that's really all i want to focus on right now

i simply do not know where he stands, on any issue - maybe he doesn't either, and i'm just going to take it for granted from now on that unless he makes it really clear, i'll assume he's not interested!

right - sounds like a good way to go BUT

that's what we did before, and i REALLY REALLY want to change that dynamic between us.

i know that i get excited when he suggests something, because i really want him to suggest it and want to try it his way, but then he pulls back and doesn't want to commit to it. i'm thinking that even showing my pleasure at his suggestion makes him uncomfortable

so if anyone has any thoughts on how i could change in this, i would really appreciate it.

maybe to add - this is one of h's MOST sensitive areas - he felt i controlled every decision to do with s. from where i was standing - i hated it, and wished so much that he would be more active himself. i only decided because a decision eventually had to be made. (i do confess also that in the past, i was pretty adamant about doing things a certain way, and even went to the extent of doing something that he totally disagreed with but allowed - taking s to an alternative med doctor)

now , decisions do have to be made - we've managed to sort of go along in some kind of limbo -with doing things very separately, but i feel as if we are transitioning into a new place, where he is at least allowing a discussion to begin about talking about s together.

so i want to get better at hearing what he is trying to say, and to learn to back off better and wait for him to be more clear for himself

thanks
zig