I'm working to create a safe environment for her to give full disclosure

disclosure about what?

is it more important that you know every detail of the past, or is it more important to let that go and work on what is in the present?

may have misunderstood what you were referring to about being disclosed.

i find myself thinking about that, if ever down the road h and i get to piecing - do i really want to know everything, or do i just want to move forward in as healthy a way as possible.

also from their point of view - some of the things they have done, i'm sure when they wake up, mortify them so deeply, that is is just more suffering for them, to have to talk about it, or can they quietly forgive themselves and let it go

about details not matching up - if they have truly been in the fog we talk about, should one take into consideration that later ,details are not so clear to them? i'm not trying to let that stuff off the hook, but i've watched h all these months, and he can't remember one day to the next - and so if later we are talking about it, i can't say i'd be so surprised if his "version" is a little different

it's very difficult for her to disclose - it's early on. just focusing on the NON-PRESSURE conversations, i imagine would be the fastest way to get her more comfortable.

stay empathetic for now ces. i imagine that now that you have got to this point,even though you may not think you do, you are wanting some validation from her for all your efforts.

let it suffice that you are getting PLENTY of validation - just by being at this point - and don't expect anything - even her disclosing facts. just take what she can give and be surprised and grateful that it was given

I would just rather have all the pieces to feel better for myself and build my trust of her.


you're looking to her for something you should find within yourself right now. build and sustain trust within yourself and trusting a good outcome. don't look towards her for things like that yet - you will get them when she is ready to give them to you.

it is these very very subtle things in which we add pressure, with no idea that we are doing so. she may not be getting the obvious overt pressure of you asking or pushing her with questions - but she may be getting the very subtle one of you needing to know more and not saying it

just my thoughts

zig

me 46 H 38
M10yrs T 11
S10
BD ow 8/11
h filed 9/25/12


"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"