It really sounds like your W is one of those WASs who has to hit absolute rock bottom before she can turn her life around. It's fairly obvious from her drinking problem that the problem isn't you or the M. There's something eating away at her and when you try to engage, that's when she pushes you away.
Have you looked into AA? Try looking up the traits of an alcoholic or read some of the posts from the people here who were alcoholic. They all said they pretty much treated people and their spouses like your W is. However, once the spouse said they had enough and just left (no ultimatum), that's when they started waking up.
Don't offer her a choice. She will just go against it anyway based on history. When she starts calling you names, etc., just tell her straight up that you're not interested in listening to a drunk. Give her a dose of reality and at the same time establish your independence.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
