When it's a one-way street...part 6

[zig]

How does one build a R without trust? How does one build trust when it is continually broken? How does one rebuild trust when the other person really isn't doing anything to try?

it's what we all ask ourselves, when we are in doubt - especially when the other person is not trying at all, or doesn't seem to be in our eyes, in the way we want them to.

i think it's a question of faith. there is no reason to trust anyone or anything. but the decision to trust is within your control, just as much as the decision to leave is within your control. it's a matter of choosing - not waiting for it to be proved to you in advance.

living one's life with the attitude that"i will only do things that i can trust and feel safe about in advance", is putting the onus on an external thing or person. it FEELS safer, but is very misleading because one is always dependent on something or someone else to make them happy.

but when you can get to a point where your happiness comes from within because you have worked through your issues and you are centered, grounded and independent, then sharing your life with another doesn't get affected by how safe or unsafe you feel with them, because you are responsible for your own emotional health and safety.

the fact that you feel so unsafe with h indicates strongly that you are expecting him to fulfill some need within that you shouldn't be asking him for in the first place, nor should he be asking for it from you.

it also indicates that you are not ready to decide whether you even want to be with him or not. your decision about wanting to be with him should be about why and how you want to share your life together and whether you two are a good fit.

i think the ultimate answer to your question is that only when you start and continue to do the work on yourself , will you eventually get to the place where these questions won't even need to be asked.

all these months i have had so many questions - and felt so frustrated when no one could give me an answer. now, as i keep working on myself, i find that i don't really need answers to these questions any more, and i am having way more faith and trust - and it genuinely surprises me - i didn't expect that

zig