Eleven months into my experience, I have the following observations to share.
1. Before this experience, which has been by far the worst I have experienced in my life(second worst is my younger sister dying at age 13 from menningitis without warning, I was 21)my views on divorce have, (not surprisingly) changed dramatically. I remember talking with my wife a number of times about friends who were having marital difficulties and saying that if they werent happy, what was the sense of staying together, life was too short, they deserved to be happy, and if splitting accomplished that feat, then so be it. Little did I know that I would one day be a casualty of this nonchalant attitude.

2. Children, no matter what the experts say, never really recover from their parents being divorced, esp if the d is acrimonious. They may be resilient, and may appear to be unaffected, but inside they are sad that the family has been torn apart. And their sadness is generational in its affect, because their attitudes about relationships and men and women are bound to be affected.

3. No one ever wins in a divorce, no matter how amicable it appears to be. I have seen enough divorced people in the two support groups I am a member of to know that they have this sad, hollowed out look, they never really get over their loss, even if they are the ones who initiated it. Even people who arent members of support groups but have been divorced tell me that in the back of their minds they always know it can happen again. Innocence has been lost forever.

4.No fault divorce laws are causing incredible damage to the family unit, and society in general. Since my separation I have become accquainted with many single divorced parents, mostly women, who have to struggle everyday with the challenges of working full time, raising kids, doing homework, keeping up a house, etc. It is incredibly sad to see this.

None of these observations are world beating or particularly revalatory in nature, but I seem to be thinking about them more and more as the date for my D approaches. Anyone feel the same?

m 54
XW 48
m 12
t 14
bomb 6-11
s 10-11
wife moved to other state 10-21-11
d 9-12

O GOD THY SEA IS SO GREAT AND MY BOAT IS SO SMALL!